It is nearing the end of the year. I rest in Milton, Florida, USA, and these days force me to look back.
Nineteen Hundred Ninety-Eight.
Thoughts of Sarah, as well as saying goodbye to Lees-McRae, took up the first six months. I still long for that place, but I’m secretly and silently afraid to go back to visit, for I fear I might ruin it’s impact on my life and my heart.
There was a month of transition in the middle of this year through which I visited Texas and South Africa, with brief stops in New York and Miami. Those were such perfect days. I wish I could go back and stay in them a little longer, for they were simply too short.
Virginia Beach, Regent University, and Parkway Temple all immediately fell into my lap and my heart. It seemed as though my collection grew overnight, and now it is the only home I long for.
I am enjoying my time off here, but my parents’ marriage, my stepfather’s need to explain everything, and my mother’s non-displays-of-affection towards her husband and myself still shock and hurt me. I simply do not understand. I stay silent.
Emily said she would call yesterday. She did not. She reminds me of Sarah.
I just want to do it right. I want a true and simple love.
The tiny smile of Christin is all I need.
Since my first semester of graduate school is over, it is time to pick the most cherished moments of that time. There are only two, and I was fully aware they were perfect moments while they were happening.
The first was on November 28, 1998, the Saturday evening I spent with Tracey. It was the moment during Riverdance in which a gentlemen played a beautiful bagpipe sort of instrument and the entire world stopped. The music brought peace to the entirety of my days and perfect love to my heart. I had an old friend by my side and even older memories in my mind. I had just seen Vince and Allen, a beautiful sunset, and fantastic fireworks.
The next one took place during the early morning hours of December 13, 1998. My Heart Will Go On played over the credits of Titanic. Sterling was asleep on one side of me, and Christin was asleep on the other. Her beautiful face was on my chest and my fingers were in her hair.
And so, a few days of this year remain.
Can 1999 be so close?
What is happening to this world?
Jesus, you are my shelter.
You are all I seek.
Please guide me.