October 13, 1996 – Sunday – 9:45 a.m.

We are on the road right now, somewhere around Jacksonville, FL.

Yesterday was so awesome.  We rented wave-runners and went out in the Gulf of Mexico.  It was so much fun; it felt like I was flying just inches above the water.

That evening Syndi and her boyfriend Eric came to pick me up.  We went to this really huge multiplex with 20 screens and saw Tom Hanks’ That Thing You Do.  It was so funny.  A really great movie.  Syndi looked good; she grew her hair back and colored it blonde.  She is happy down here and it was great that I simply got to see her, the girl I held under the waterfall at the end of my Freshman year.

The other thing happened yesterday is that we heard on the radio that Tommy Moe was going to be at a Ski and Sports Shop.  Tommy Moe was a gold medalist in the 1994 Olympics.  Dan has posters of him in his room.  So we all went and got free T-shirts, he autographed them all and we got our picture taken with him.  Dan was really excited.  “I can’t wait to tell my parents that I went to Flordia to meet Tommy Moe!” he said.

That evening, whenever Syndi and Eric brought me back, I went for a walk around Kate’s neighborhood.  I prayed and sang to the Lord.

He is so great to me.

The air was so warm.

The midnight clouds so pretty.

My dreams are coming true.

I’m doing that thing that only I can do.


February 26, 1994 – Saturday – 12:40 a.m.

It hasn’t been the 26th for that long.  Tonight was supposed to have been the last VIP gathering, but there wasn’t a home game, so it was cancelled.  I didn’t find that out until I got there with Jenna, Tenielle, and Sunny.  Sunny is staying with them while her parents are at the beach.  Scott was there with Tim, so we stayed and watched the Olympics.

Congratulations Nancy!

Then an employee comes out and says “Is there a Jacob here?”

I said “yes.”

He said, “you have a phone call.”

I thought it would be my mom, but it wasn’t it was Brandon.  Can you believe it?  He called my mom and she said we were at Mr. Gatti’s and since he still has a Sanford phone book, all the way there in Arizona, he looked it up and called there.  He said he did it just to scare the heck out of me.

We left a little after 10:00 p.m. and went to the park.  I didn’t tell Jonathan I was going down to Jenna and Tenielle’s and Marcus wasn’t with me.  So, for once I spent a lot of time with Jenna and Tenielle without another guy there.  Every time a guy is with me, they always ask me what is wrong because I’m not acting like myself.  I just can’t be myself around Marcus, Jonathan, or Kevin when I’m around Jenna or Tenielle, because they pick on me later.  It’s weird.  But tonight, I was myself.  We had a lot of fun.  Thank you Jesus!

Things are going to get busy in the future.  Tomorrow we are going to Fayetteville and ride with Kevin and two guys from his Bible Study to Charlotte where we will see DC Talk in concert.  We will spend the night at a house, go to church down there the next morning and then come back home.  We will miss church Sunday morning in Sanford.

Wednesday, March 2nd, I have to have my essay on Macbeth turned in.  We also have cap and gown pictures then and a huge Pre-calculus test.  I have read to then read Hamlet and turn in an essay on it the following week.  We also have to act out and perform a scene from either play on March 7th.

There are 13 weeks of school left.  Sixty-five days of my senior year.  Only sixty-five days of high school remain.

After all this Shakespeare stuff, we will start a 20-page long research paper.  I’m doing mine on either evolution or dinosaur extinction.

On March 4th, the Imperials will be at our church.

Hopefully, I find the time to finish everything.  I never have time to do anything on the weekend, because I’m always in Sanford.  But hey, the heart has a hunger too.  Just like the mind hungers for knowledge and insight, just like the flesh hungers for food, the spirit longs for God and those who know him.

February 23, 1994 – Wednesday – 11:15 p.m.

Tonight at church we were visited by a Teen Challenge choir from Pennsylvania.  They put on a great concert!  Jenna and Tenielle didn’t show up.

The Olympics are almost over.  Only a few days left.  It seems like they just started.

Tonight was the women’s first night of figure skating.  Nancy Kerrigan is in first place now, and she deserves it.  And not because of what she went through with the attack dealing with Tonya Harding, but because she skated beautifully.

Tonight, Bonnie Blair won her 5th gold medal.  That makes her the most decorated Winter Olympiad in the U.S.A.

If Nancy or Bonnie ever read this entry, I want you know that I was behind you all the way.

The last VIP is this Friday and Saturday we are going to see DC Talk in concert.

Jesus loves you!!

February 17, 1994 – Thursday – 6:10 p.m.

I’m at home alone right now.

Thank God.

Tuesday night I called Jenna and Tenielle from the kids’ house in Bonlee.  I called at 9:30 p.m. and said goodbye at 12:10 a.m.

Two hours and 40 minutes.  I talked to Tenielle first.  And I told her that I was going through something really difficult the past few days.

She wanted me to tell her.  I told her a little but not everything, yet.

Then I talked to Jenna.  She seemed bummed.  She was still a little sick.  But she was just shy.  Then I asked her, “Why is it, every time you talk to me you’re in low gear and calm, but whenever I see you and your not talking to me, on the phone or whatever, you are always alive?”

It took her about 30 minutes to answer, she said its as because she usually hangs around girls and not guys.  Then Tenielle got on the phone and told me that it’s because she liked me more than a friend, but not like a boyfriend.

I told Tenielle that I felt the same way about Jenna.  Well we all got things sort of cleared up.

All three of us appreciate each other very much and enjoy each other’s company.  And then I told Tenielle what happened Sunday night at Christi’s house.

She couldn’t believe it.  And she really couldn’t believe it when I told her that the only thing that was stopping me from asking Christi out was Jenna.

She said, “well if you do go out with Christi will you still hang out with us?”  I told her I would.

But now things have changed.  I went by Christi’s yesterday to drop some tapes off.  No one was home so I left them in the mailbox.  I’m just not sure if I want to go out with Christi.  I feel like it’s her dad and not me.

Wednesday night’s service was awesome, but my life has been a burden recently.  After hearing that great sermon I went straight to the back to play the piano and think.  Jenna and Tenielle were there, but I only got a chance to talk to Tenielle a little bit.  I didn’t talk to Jenna any.

It’s okay though.  Today had been a little better than all the other one’s.  My life has been a struggle.  I haven’t had much time to do what I want and my mom has been grouchy, etc.

But today I heard one statement and it helped me a lot:

“If you go through a day without laughing then you have wasted that day, but if you go through a day and you laugh continuously then you have wasted that day too.”

I heard another one today, related to the Olympics:

“If you live in triumph with no struggle, then you were only born a winner.  But if you survive the struggle then you have made your self a winner.”

And I’ll end with one more:

“The most important thing in the Olympics is not to win, but to take part, just as the most important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle.  The essential thing is not to have conquered, but to have fought well.”



February 14, 1994 – Valentine’s Day – 10:19 p.m.

I’m at the boys house in Bonlee, you know, the ones I babysit.

The Olympics are on.

Since Sanford is not long distance here, I called Ryan.  We had a wonderful conversation.  She told me about stuff she had written and how school was going.  We talked about how things have changed.  She is still wonderful, but I fear the feelings I did have for her are fading.

She did tell me one thing that caught my attention.  She said that Christi told her that she liked the way I wear my hair now.

Christi mentioned me.

After I talked to Ryan I called Jenna.  She was sleeping.  She and Tenielle have been sick.  Puking sick.  I’ll pray for them.  Tenielle was up and we talked a bit.  Jenna got the letter I wrote her today.  It was a Valentine’s Day note with a poem and a drawing.  Tenielle said she really liked it.

What am I doing?

Do I even know?



Somebody please tell me!!

Jenna already knows that I like her.  She likes me.

Christi is a wonderful friend who is now a girl who has practically been handed to me for a wonderful relationship.  I don’t know what I’m going to do.

I’ll just have to wait and see. 

February 12, 1994 – Saturday – 6:20 p.m.

It’s Saturday.

For the past four Saturdays I have gone to Jenna and Tenielle’s house.  But not today.

Today, I thought about a week ago, would be a wonderful day.  It wasn’t.

I should be in Sanford, or at least on my way there, but instead I am sitting in my room.

Wednesday night at church I talked to Jenna a very little bit.  We did communicate though, mostly with our eyes.  Everything is okay.  Wednesday was really warm, but something happened and we got out of school early on Thursday due to freezing rain.  We didn’t have school Friday.  Marcus and I went sledding on the roads.  It was fun.

Tenielle called me while I was out.  I called her back and Jenna answered.  We talked some.  The reason Tenielle called was because the Valentine’s Dance that she was going to was cancelled and there was supposed to be a VIP that night, but it was cancelled too.  She just wanted to make sure.

I didn’t go to work because of the weather as well.

This morning, Tenielle called me again and told me that the Door-to-Door ministry thing we were going to do was cancelled as well.  But there was youth group that night.  I told her I would be there.

I wrote some in my novel today and did other small stuff, but right now it is ten minutes to seven and my mother will not let me go to youth group.  The roads are fine, they’re just wet.  And its a little foggy.  So I asked her to take me.  She said she wasn’t going anywhere because it is Nate’s birthday.  He’s nine today.

So, I suppose I’ll watch the opening ceremonies of the Olympics.

Jenna should be at church by now.  I wonder if she’ll miss me.  I already miss her.  I didn’t see her at all today.  I sent her a Valentine’s card I made.

Will you miss me tonight Jenna?  I’m sorry I can’t be there.  Please miss me.