May 21, 2000 – Sunday – 7:15 a.m.

It is early before church.  I think I’ve found a place to sit and think.  I’m on a park bench in the park for Lake James Residences only.  I guess it is kind of illegal for me to be here, but I need a place within walking distance from my apartment where I can go and be by myself.  There’s a nice mist in the air and turtles and fish are playing in the water below.

I have a new pair of glasses that look and feel very nice.  I’m going to be wearing my contacts a little less often I think.

Marie called last night.  I miss her so much.

Kimberly, Sterling, and I went to see Dinosaur.  It was so horrible.  It was just the same old story, and I didn’t think it looked that great.

There was a spaghetti party over at Townley’s place on Friday night, so I went and got to know some of my co-workers a bit more.

We’ve had several nighttime thunderstorms recently that have sounded awesome!

Oh God, I miss you in me.  Whatever is blocking you from being everything in me, I lay it at your feet.  Please take it away.

Life is getting very odd.  I just want to love you.  Wash me clean oh God.  Prepare me to be a living sacrifice.  May I be dead to all.  Calm my spirit, my temper, my jealousy, and my flesh.  Purify me oh God.  This is my prayer.  For I am nothing without you.  Please make me like the lilies of the valley.  I love you God.

 

December 17, 1999 – Friday – 10:50 p.m.

Marie and I went to Williamsburg today.  We visited my wonderful grandparents.  We shared a meal with them.  Everything my grandfather said was ten times funnier than usual for the simple thought that Marie was experiencing it for the first time.  I adored the way my grandparents said her name.  It was as if she was already family.

We walked to the reservoir and sat on a newly built pier; perhaps it was built just for us.

We visited Colonial Williamsburg at night.  I pretended in my own mind that we lived in another century.  Each window of these ancient buildings held a candle, as if the eyes of the past, present, and future were watching us walk through our own unknowingness.

We stopped at a bench beneath an ancient tree beneath a more ancient moon.  And there we pondered the other twin souls who might have stopped underneath this very tree throughout all its years.  But the tree whispered its secret to us; that God had created him for the sole purpose of providing a special atmosphere for Marie and I on the night of December 17th in the final year of a millennium.  And there the moon revealed it true purpose of creation, to shine on the two of us.

Sweet Marie.

On the way home we drove through the Christmas lights of Norfolk’s botanical gardens.

Tomorrow night is our Christmas.

Each night is our birthday.

July 16, 1997 – Wednesday – 10:45 a.m.

Monday night was amazing.  Rebecca St. James puts on a wonderful concert!  There was an altar call during the concert and I went up.  I needed for God to break me and recreate me.  It’s time for me to grow to the next level.

Last night I was asked to drive some Alumni up to the top of Beech Mountain.  We met a tour guide up there and toured around the old Land of Oz.  There was a museum there with actual costumes and props from the movie.  We got to walk through the life size replica of Dorothy’s house, and we followed the yellow brick road.  Everything was just beautiful and amazing!  Realizing I was in a magical land in a small town that sits higher than any other town in the Eastern United States, I left the group and walked ahead on my own.

After I turned a corner I stopped and looked around since I was totally alone.  And there I saw what I thought was a statue of a deer.  Only the statue turned and looked at me, so I quickly realized it was a real deer.  I expected her to immediately run away, but instead she just bent down to eat some grass.

I took a step closer, still expecting her to run, but she didn’t.  She lifted up her head from the grass and looked me in the eyes.  I took a few more steps closer and then the deer walked closer to me.  She was so beautiful.

After a few more steps we were right in front of each other.  I knelt down and she took a step closer and sniffed my cheek and my mouth.

No fear.

Nothing.

She saw me for who I was and touched her nose to my face, then softly licked my cheek.

It was a taste of heaven.

No fear or hate.

Only love.

Love.

On this Wednesday morning a thunder storm is brewing over Banner Elk.  I can hear the thunder rolling now.  The skies are darkening.

The wind has caught up with this flower and broken it.

I am dying, only to be raised.

The wind will soon blow my petals to another land and there I will grow again.

But one thing is clear, God wanted me here in this land and in this time.  He brought me to these mountains to kiss me.  May your name forever be praised!

March 22, 1997 – Saturday – 11:30 a.m.

Four days since my last entry.

Things are okay.

Recently, I’ve spent a lot of time in Christian chat rooms on the Internet.  I’ve met some cool people in Germany, Scotland, Canada, and everywhere.

Ann-Marie had a birthday; she is now 19.  She got the Star Wars Monopoly game and we played it last night.  Jeni and Tracey came over; as well as Andrea.

Jeni and David are not together.  He basically broke up with her but forgot to tell her about it.  She has six weeks left in this land.  We’ve grown closer.  Her time here began with me and it may end with me.

Tracey and Timothy are getting close.

Abigail is moving away; about five weeks left for her.

Curtis is gone in five weeks.

The weather is warm.  I went for a drive yesterday in Jeni’s car.  I went to a place I’ve never been before.  Very nice.  Beautiful land that I call my home.  Beautiful it is.

I wish I could be free from myself, free from my thinking, free from my flesh.  I wish I could fade into these mountains and let their purity overtake me.