September 20, 1999 – Monday -7:20 a.m.

The Lord delivered me from pains of loneliness last night at church.  Years and years of being separated off to the side because I was a little different, or saw the world differently, had really taken its toll.  Growing up, it was truly difficult to share my heart with people.  I was rejected many times.  God set me free from much of the hurt last night.

After church, I went over to Chris and Jason’s and we prayed for each other, went out to eat, and just talked.  They are of my same heart and vision and they are wonderful to talk with.

Kimberly and I went to see For The Love of the Game yesterday afternoon.  It was nice.  And Saturday I did my silent black and white film with Sterling’s family.  Adam and David helped me.  Kimberly even pulled focus a couple of times.  It was a fantastic time!

Thanks to Hurricane Floyd, we haven’t had class since Tuesday of last week.  The Caedmon’s Call concert is Saturday, and I’m going to the Pat Robertson cookout with Joy on Friday night.  Auditions for DANG! are next Tuesday and Wednesday.

It’s time to go to work.  I love you Lord.

October 24, 1993 – Sunday – 10:05 p.m.

The sun began to set today.  Its still going down if it hasn’t already.  

This morning I went back in children’s church after praise and worship.  Cheryl and Amy were back there.  The way children’s church works will soon change.  There used to be two different drama teams.  Gary and I were on each one.  Now there will be three, and I will only go into children’s church every third Sunday instead of every Sunday.  This starts in about two weeks.  Next week will be the last time I’m in children’s church with Ryan and Christi.  My drama team is now just Elizabeth and I.

Well, anyway, Cheryl and I were talking.  And she asked me if I knew who Marcus liked.  I said, “Yeah, I know, Trish.”  Then she wanted to know if I still liked Ryan.  I told her that I did, but that I didn’t see the two of us as anything.

We talked some more.  Then I told her that I knew Ryan liked this guy at school named Kevin.  No one ever told me that; I just overheard a conversation.

She asked me if I was upset.

I said, “No, why should I be.  Ryan is not mine; I can’t say anything.”

Tonight I looked at some pictures of Ryan’s and I saw a picture of Kevin.  He had one of those wild hair cuts.  But I haven’t met the kid, I’m not going to judge him because of his hair.  He must definitely be a great guy if Ryan sees something in him.

I also found out tonight that Trish and Marcus are actually becoming a thing.

Marcus and Trish, Cheryl and Matt, Ryan and Kevin, Christi and Adam, Jacob and Nobody.

I’m alone.  It’s weird when there is no one out there who you really like.  You try to find something else to look forward to beside seeing her.

I wish someone new would come along.

It was this time last year that Veronica and her family began coming to the church.  I will not do something like that again though, just because I couldn’t have Ryan.  

I’ll manage.  I know I will.  I’ll just watch my friends continue in their lives and their relationships.  Then I’ll say goodbye and I’ll start all over again in a little corner of the world called Lees-McRae.