August 27, 1994 – Saturday – 11:30 p.m.

Everything lasted!

A happy ending!

Band practice was fun this morning.  Everyone prayed for us.  Elliot gave us a little sermon about living for Christ!  It was awesome!  Then John told me something that stabbed me like a dagger.  He said, “I envy you man.  You’re adventure is just beginning and mine is already half over.”

I never thought about it that way.

Marcus and I went to Jenna and Tenielle’s.  Ginger cut my hair again.  She just shaved the sides closer.  Jenna and I had a good talk alone.  As did Tenielle and I.  Jenna made me a necklace.  It’s green!  I love it!  

Marcus stayed with Jenna and Tenielle while I went to visit with Veronica’s family.  Marcus let me drive his car.  While there, we watched Beethoven’s 2nd, which was actually pretty good.  I was surprised.  When it was time for youth group, Veronica decided to come with me.  Her and I got surprisingly close this evening.  It was very special.  She means a lot to me.  She is growing up to be more beautiful each day.

Youth group really helped me a lot today.  I believe the Lord is doing a great work in me.  We all threw a surprise birthday party for Shurby’s wife after youth group.  Veronica stayed for that and Jenna and Tenielle were there.

We all got along.  My goodbye’s to everyone were hard but sweet.  It was weird knowing that Ryan and Cheryl were at the beach.  I wished they were there.

Everything is packed.  All except for this Sixth Book of Days.  My paintings are off the wall.

If these walls could speak, I wonder what story would be their favorite.  They have seen so much.

But more than these walls, there are my friends.  They look out the window and they know I will be there, on the branch, singing.  But I see a storm, it is right above me.  I’m fighting it, but it hurts to hold on.  I must let go.  It’s much more powerful than me.  So I let go.  I’m waiting to land.  The wind carries me.

Another tree.

Someone else to sing for.

I’m waiting to land.

No more days.

The wind carries me.

I’m waiting to land.

 

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August 25, 1994 – Thursday – 12:20 a.m.

Today is still Wednesday to me, so I will refer to it as such.

I took mom to work this morning so I could have the car and run some errands.  I first went to my Orthodontist in Sanford.  I don’t have to go back until next May.  Then I came back to Siler City to open a checking account at First Union.  I got everything I needed concerning that.  Afterwards, I went back to Sanford and went shopping at Food Lion and Wal-Mart.  I’ve almost purchased everything I need for college.  I had some time to spare after that, so I went to the park and finished reading the “Marius” part of Les Miserables.  I enjoyed it greatly; more than the first time.

I was suppose to get my hair cut today by Ginger, so around 2:30 p.m. I went to West Lee Middle School and picked up Jenna and Tenielle.  I surprised them!  Jenna wanted to red the bus, so she did, but picked up Wayne and Tenielle, took Wayne home and then Tenielle drove with me to her house.  I had The Little Mermaid with me.  We watched that and I got my hair cut.  It’s really cool, you should see it.  Tenielle was running late, so Jenna rode with me to church.

Louie came by before I left.  He seemed okay.  For a while I thought he was made at me because he really liked Jenna, but we got a long fine today.

I was a little late to church as well, so I didn’t sing.  

Tonight was my last service.

I told Shar tonight that her letter sounded very mature and she did not scare me away.  I gave her my college address and she smiled.

Cheryl told me everyone Joel works with hates him and plans to beat him up.  He deserves it!

Marcus drove himself to church and afterwards we went to The Pantry.  It seemed everyone showed up there.  Scott was with me, then Rebecca and family came, then Cheryl and Anne, as well as Ryan and Amy and they weren’t even coming from church.

Ryan told me she wanted to do one more thing with me before I go off to school, so I’m suppose to call her tomorrow.

Scott and I went by Christi’s afterwards.  She was so beautiful tonight.  I hugged her twice and she smelled so good.  Together we watched Searching for Bobby Fischer.  It was the best!  I gave Jason my address and hugged them all goodbye.  They might go see Andy on Saturday, so I probably won’t see them then.

I took Scott home and then I drove home and almost broke into tears.  I saw all my great friends tonight.  All of them in one night.  It all sort of seemed designed by God, and it felt like old times.  Even Jason was there.

Thank you Lord.

I’m still here!!

And I have three days left!

It hurts.  All of the days from long ago are in the past.  Days of happiness.

But the pain now is part of the happiness then.

I can’t have one without the other.

August 22, 1994 – Monday – 1:21 p.m.

The few days I have left are passing by.  The atmosphere is thrilling here as always, but it’s as though it’s all going to die.  But this next time will be bigger and bright than I’ve known it before.  So, watch me fly.  I know I can do it.

There’s so much to say.  Not just today, but always.  Are these real life conversations or movies?  Will someone tell me what’s happening?  I just don’t know.  I can’t tell if it’s real.  I don’t know how to feel.  This movie plays and plays before me.  The screen before me fills and it must be his will.  It seems as though he was right all along.  From him I can feel the love every night.

But why God, why this pain?  Why does it feel like I’m going insane?  Who are all these girls that float in my head?  Oh my friends and their friends too!  All these voices ringing in my head.  This is all I’ve ever known.  My heart is literally aching in my chest.  Why me?  What’s your plan?  If you can’t do this, no one can.

Right here there are no strings

A guy like me can live like a king

Just as long as I don’t believe anything

But you’re there and I know you’re true

So here I am, I’m waiting on you.

You speak and I know I’m not alone.  You’re standing right here with me.  Off we go together.  All I do God, it’s all for you.  Just you.

August 21, 1994 – Sunday – 5:05 p.m.

Since Kevin is going to college tonight, both cars are needed and I won’t be able to attend the High Falls youth group tonight.  This morning however, Kristen showed up at church.  She enjoyed the service, but she had to leave early so I didn’t really get a chance to talk to her.

Jonathan’s car is broken some how.  When Kevin drove it back he accidentally did something to the ignition and it won’t turn, therefore it won’t start.  So Jonathan’s mom came to his house and picked him up.  His car stayed here.  

I took him home this morning.  It was time to say goodbye.  Instead I said “See ya,” and I beeped my horn as I drove off.

He told me how much positive influence I had been on his life.  And then he said, “Jacob, any good thing I do in this life, all the credit should come right back to you.”

One more person.

After hearing those words, I believe I can do almost anything in this life.

I will see you again my friend.

The church fellowship at Kiwanis Park was today.  Overall I had a good time.  Shar was there and she gave me a letter, which didn’t really surprise me since I had run into her mother yesterday and she told me that her daughter really liked me, but she never said anything because she didn’t want to scare me away.  I’ve known Shar for a long time.  She has grown up to be a pretty girl.

The letter she gave me said that she’s been praying for me as I prepare to leave for college and that she is going to get me a going away/birthday present.  I saw Shar differently today.  I told her I would write her while I was at college and we would see what might happen from there.

I do like her I guess, but I don’t Iike her like her.

Now that Jonathan is away, Jenna and Marcus finally spent some quality time together.  It’s good to see him smile again.

Tenielle drew me a pretty bald eagle and gave it to me today.

Today was my last Sunday.  Someone shared with me their infatuation with me and my best friend is hours away.  I can see his car outside my window and it looks like he is here, but he is not.  

All is coming to an end.

I saw the corner tree today while at Kiwanis Park, but I chose to not walk over to it.

Andy is in Wilmington and I believe Jason is back, so I’m going to try and see him during this final week.

Dreams are all I’ve ever known, but now in a week’s time I will begin making those dreams come true.

Next Sunday is coming closer.  I can feel my heart closing in.

I can’t breathe.

I can’t win.

August 21, 1994 – Sunday – 1:50 a.m.

I’m sad.

And I’m mad.

I came to Sanford alone this morning (Saturday).  Marcus was coming on his own in his car because he got his tags and his license.  But his car messed up so he stayed at home all day.

Band Practice was fun.  I was there with just Pastor Steve, Elliot, and Carol.  We talked about different stuff in-between songs, it was nice.  They are great people with a lot of wisdom.  Pastor Steven even asked me if I approved of a way they did a song.  He asked for my opinion, about music, isn’t that great?!

I went over to Shurby’s where Kevin and Jonathan were.  Then Jonathan and I went down to Jenna and Tenielle’s so he could get his haircut and see them before he leaves.  The four of us had fun.  They gave me a birthday card with coupons in it, allowing me a free hug from both of them whenever I wanted one.

While all of this was happening, I didn’t realize that this was the last full day I was going to spend with Jonathan.  We went back to Shurby’s around 3:00 p.m. and stayed there until youth group.  Kevin drove Jonathan’s car back home to get ready for college.  He is leaving later today (Sunday).  

Tim lead youth group.  A lot of very young and immature boys were there so it really got on my nerves, but other than that I really learned a lot.

After youth group, Jonathan and I plus Cheryl, Ryan, Amy, and their cousins rented two movies, ordered some pizza and watched the movies at Cheryl’s house.  We rented Cabin Boy and Reality Bites.  I called mom and told her what we were doing.  But she said I had to be back by 12:30 a.m. so we only had time to watch one movie.  We picked Cabin Boy which is easily one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen.  Had I known that, I would have voted for Reality Bites.

Jonathan and I drove home and well, it finally hit both of us.  He has been a great friend of mine for over six years, since he and I were 12-years-old.  We are now 18.  This wasn’t suppose to happen.  I wasn’t suppose to make it this far.  I never dreamed I would really grow up one day.

As we drove home, one part of our conversation really hit me.  This is what Jonathan said, “You know Jacob, really, right now, I’m sick of just dating people.  I want.  I want to fall in love.”

“Bingo.” I said.

And it’s true.  I’ve never been “in love.”  I love, but I’ve never been “in love.”  And I want to meet someone where it just happens and not a word has to be said because it is written in our eyes.  I want someone to let me know that they would go with me through the unknown I’m about to enter into.  

Who will go there with me?

Who will?

As Jonathan and I got closer to my house, we each felt the sadness grow.  We pulled in the driveway and sat still.

Silence.

Then he opened the door.  I did the same.  I stood up outside the car and said, “Why does this crap have to happen,” and I slammed the door shut.

…

Tonight again I was with Cheryl, Ryan, Jonathan, and others just like last Saturday.  Those friends did last until the end.  Everyone did.

Tonight at home, Marcus came over to talk to me.  I had nothing to do with me, but he just wanted me to understand what he’d been going through.  I felt sorry for him.

Tomorrow is my last Sunday.

A fellowship is tomorrow after church.

What Jonathan goes through in a few hours, I will go through in a few hours plus seven days.

August 20, 1994 – Saturday – 1:10 a.m.

Today (Friday) I mowed the grass some, played Super Metroid, and read one of my favorite parts of Les Miserables, The Conjunction of Two Stars.  I love it.  That’s the way I want to meet the girl I’m destined to marry.

It reminds me of when I saw the girl who sings in the choir at Union Pines High School.  For over a year I’ve only seen her three times.  I have no idea who she is but she still means a lot to me.

Work went okay tonight.  Keesha and Kevin are seeing each other and they’re trying to keep it from Marcus.  I believe I told you that already, never mind.

One more Friday here, then…

Tenielle says the saddest day of her life is going to be the day I leave.

But there’s nothing to be done about it now.  

Build up the tears.

Nine more days.

 

August 18, 1994 – Thursday – 2:30 p.m.

Dude!!  Last night, or real early this morning rather, was really cool.  After church we went to Christi’s.  Marcus wasn’t with us, because he hadn’t returned from the mountains yet.  So it was just me, Jonathan, and Joel.

Joel got on everyone’s nerves again.  He was always flirting.  Andy had some friends over; some really pretty girls.  Another girl in town was having a party because it was also her birthday.  Her name was Shandra and we all went over there.  It was the, how shall I say it, the alternative group of Sanford.  And I tell you what, they are not my type of people, but I can sort of fit in any where if you know what I mean.  They were pretty cool, but some of them were way out there, big time.

But I met some new people and even talked about Christian music with this Christian guy.  We stayed a while and then went back to Christi’s.  Christi and I talked about some stuff for a while.  She is doing great.

I took Joel home and I didn’t get back until 3:30 this morning.  Cheryl just called me.  Joel got on her nerves again last night at church.  She says she’s going to talk to Shurby about him because he’s really getting “mental.”

I probably won’t see Andy for a while.  Jason and Matt are coming back this Sunday, so I’m going to go see Jason at least once before I leave.

Cheryl wrote me a letter telling me Happy Birthday and thanks for helping me through all of her problems with Joel.

Kevin just went out with Keesha (Marcus’s sister) and they both tried to keep it a secret.  But Jonathan told me about it and Marcus had a hunch and well, Kevin has a big hickey and it’s just not a good situation.

The ending is coming closer.

Ten more days.

A lot could happen in ten days.

Look how much has happened in the past ten days. 

August 3, 1994 – Wednesday – 11:30 p.m.

Jenna read Jonathan’s letter tonight at church, but she must have thought it was funny because she didn’t seem to take it too seriously.

We went to Christi’s tonight.  Christi and I played cards and we all ate while watching some musical.  I had fun.  And Christi and Amy made up.  Don’t worry about why they were at odds, it’s over now.

Well, it’s set.  Everything is clear with everyone.  I just have to say goodbye.  I have 24 days remaining.  The 27th of August is actually my last day because I leave real early on the 28th.

It seems like I’m just waiting.  There isn’t much for me to do.

Joel wants Marcus and I to spend the night with him Saturday night.  Hopefully we’ll have a good time.  Cheryl is in Ohio, but she should be back within a week.  Jason will be back in two weeks.  Jonathan leaves for college on the 21st, a whole week before me.

I can’t believe we haven’t gone swimming at Megan and Shelly’s yet.  I hope to get to see Nana, Trish, and Brian at least once more.  The same with Kristen, Hannah, Bradley, Glenn, Lisa, Tony, Leslie, Kim, and Kenny.

Misty was staring at me in church tonight.

I haven’t seen Scott in a while.

The Neals are in Tennessee.

Jenna and Tenielle are themselves.  I still hug them.

Ryan and Amy?  Well, I know where they live.

Veronica?  I will stop by and give her one last hug.

And I will drive by my High School one last time.  I might even call a few people from there.

I’ll go to Kiwanis Park and San Lee Park.  I’ll look in th window at Mr. Gatti’s, and remember the Valentine’s dance that Jenna and Tenielle went to, as well as the one I went to with Veronica.

I’ll listen to some of our old skit music once again and I may even try on my old uniform.

I’ll walk the railroad tracks again and I’ll serve more people at McDonald’s while everyone calls me “Fry Guy!”

I’ll go skating one last time this Monday, I hope.  And I just might borrow the roller blades, again.

I will sing background vocals in front of my church, and play my different mime character in Faith Street.

And I will remember how long I’ve been here and all of the things I’ve seen.  I’ll remember Freeze and Justify.  I’ll remember all of my Carowinds trips.  I’ll remember Brandon.

Endtime Warriors.

Emmanuel Players.

The best days of my life.

U & I.

V.

The Collection.

Objects in the rear view mirror.

Inseparable friends!!

Perhaps I was right.

May 11, 1994 – Wednesday – 11:00 p.m.

It hurts already.

Seventeen days are left.

Part of me is glad.  The rest is sad.

Tonight at church I sang alone.  Marcus and Cheryl were there, but both were wearing shorts.  Pastor Steve won’t let you sing with the backup singers if you are wearing shorts.

Neither Jenna nor Tenielle were there.  I was lonely.  I missed their joyous presence.

The youth group is going to Danville on Friday for something Shurby is doing with a church up there.

Cheryl called me tonight after I got home from church.  We had a nice talk.  She said that she didn’t want me to go off to college and leave her there alone.  She told me that Christi was separating herself from anything that deals with church, including people.  She has been hurt.  She has been hurt big time.

I wrote a poem today to go on Tenielle’s picture that she wants me to draw for her.  I would put it in here, but now is not the right time.

Soon.

 

April 6, 1994 – Wednesday – 10:30 p.m.

I did not go to church tonight.  Henry had car trouble in Raleigh and mom had to get him afterwards.  They didn’t get back until 7:30 p.m.

Bummer.

Marcus was over here today, he got Tenielle’s letter and wrote her back.  Marcus likes Jenna, I can tell based on body language alone, but I’m trying to show him also through body language that I’m not hooked on them even though I am in a way.  Marcus and I communicate silently a lot and we never tell each other were doing it.

You know, I don’t really know why I’m getting all worked up about leaving.  There will be girls in college.  There are girls everywhere.  Someone will show some interest.  I’ll find a church up there with a youth group.  It will all just be different.  I can get used to it.

Oh and do you remember that I wrote how I had my worst fear of leaving?  Well don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten that I promised to tell you.