June 11, 1995 – Sunday – 11:30 p.m.

Today was a unique day.  First of all, my parents weren’t here at all this weekend.  Henry, mom, and Nate went to Washington, D.C. to see Patty.  Se, with out them things can get a little crazy.  I woke up to find a pile of crap in our bathtub.  It seems our three-legged-cat left a deposit of stinking, digested, 9-Lives Dinner & Lunch Entree in our tub.  It stunk up the whole house.  It took Kevin and I about 40 minutes to get it out.  I almost threw up.  It was so gross.

Marcus took us all to church, but Jonathan had to work, so we dropped him off at Subway.  Church was great.  Pastor Steve talked about becoming a man of God.  It inspired me greatly.  It’s time to begin.  Cheryl was there and she gave me a letter.  She apologized and said that we both have changed, not for better or for worse, but that people grow and people change.  She said that she loved me and she can still see that am I still me, despite however the past year of college grew me as a person.

That letter meant the world to me.  I’m sorry Cheryl.  She also let me borrow her copy of The Lion King.  Kevin went over to the Neals.  Marcus had to work, so the only people here at the house was A.D. and I.  We watched the movie.  I enjoyed it just as much as the other five times I had seen it.  Afterwards, A.D. and I played water guns inside the house and soaked each other as well as everything else that got caught in the crossfire.  We cleaned it all up and then picked Marcus up around 4 o’clock.  We went to pick Jonathan up from work, then the four of us went to Wal-Mart and played Hide & Go Seek.  We had a blast.  But looking around for each other made us look like shoplifters, and some of the staff were looking as us pretty nastily, so we left.  I bought some boxers, just to show that we weren’t trying to steal anything.

It had been raining all afternoon, so we went to Kiwanis park and played in the rain and the mud.  The four of us took off our socks and shoes and waded around in the flooding trails.  We all had a good laugh.

We returned to church that night.  Youth group was rough.  There were some very spiritually immature young kids acting up.  There were moments when I would look over at Tenielle.  Man, I miss her.  So, after the service, I asked her if I could talk to her. She nodded and we went into a room and I said, “Tenielle, I miss you and I love you and I’m sorry.  Please hug me.”

She smiled and hugged me.  I was happy.  I told her that it was so hard to be myself when I am living between two worlds.

I leave my home to go back home in 63 days.

I tried to call Emily when I got home, but she was babysitting at another house.  Those lucky kids!

Deep Creek, Fishnet, and Crestview are coming.  I will soon see Emily smile.  But before that I need to find my own smile and I can only find that in God.  In his presence.  In his house.

Sanford.

Siler City.

Crestview.

Banner Elk.

Heaven.

March 23, 1994 – Wednesday – 10:35 p.m.

Jenna called me yesterday.  She had to ask me a simple question about some tape.  We talked about our day and other funny things that happened.  At the end of the conversation she said, “Hey, remind me to give you a hug tomorrow.”

I said I would and we hung up.

Jonathan drove Marcus and I to church.  Scott wasn’t there, he hasn’t talked to Cheryl or anyone yet about all that happened.

I sat next to Jenna after I sung, but while I was on stage singing with the other backup singers, a spider dropped down onto my neck from the ceiling.  It scared me to death.  I knocked it off and stomped on it.

Jenna and I are getting back to normal; that distance is not as wide.

After church we were outside on the grass and she was getting ready to leave, I wanted to hug her but I didn’t.  Although it’s only a simple hug, it’s still too soon.

Tenielle looked beautiful tonight and I told her.  She’s my buddy.

If I ever get a picture of them, I’m sure I’ll cherish it always.  

Such beautiful girls.