November 17, 1996 – Sunday – 8:30 a.m.

Vince, Abigail, Shawna, Jessica, and I had a great time going shopping Wednesday.  I even bought Cindy Morgan’s new CD.  The next day we played Christmas music and put the shoeboxes together for Operation Christmas Child.  We wrapped them up beautifully.  It was such a fun and precious time.

The dance concert has been going on all weekend.  I was the Assistant Stage Manager.  I enjoyed myself.  My Stage Manager even bought me flowers.

Dawn and I got called back for Children of A Lesser God.  We learned another scene and performed it in front of a video camera on Friday.  I had to yell and scream and get angry.  It was fun, but stressful.  I don’t know how angry people have the energy to be mad all the time.

I am in the process of rewriting my one act.  I’m adding another character.

Timothy has been hanging out with me a lot.  He is a musical theater major.  He used to be gay, but he’s talked with Tracey and me and he has denounced that lifestyle and given his life to God.  His home town is only about 30 minutes down the road from my house.  He comes to church with us.

Rachel Anne wants to go to church with me this morning as well.

Life is fun and special.  I’m just walking along this road of life; enjoying the snowcapped mountains.

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March 11, 1995 – Saturday – 11:49 p.m.

Okay, here we go.  I probably won’t get finished with everything, but I should remember it.

At 12:30 p.m. I left Banner Elk with Donald, his brother, and his grandmother.  Jason left before me.  He is a great guy.  It will be a long time before I see him again.

The ride home was fun.  Donald and I talked about a lot of Performing Arts people who had already graduated from Lees-McRae.  He dances with Jeni a lot and he tells me that people tell him that Jeni likes him.  He told me that she stares at him a lot.  I was not jealous.  I found it amazing and fun.

But, Donald is gay, or at least a confused heterosexual.  And Jeni knows that.  I will keep you posted.

When I got home there was no one here.  About an hour later, mom and Kevin and Nate came home.  The first thing I did when I got home was play Super Nintendo.  I found it very relaxing.

Megan came over that night to see Kevin.  They went out that night and went shopping or something.  Kevin returned around nine o’clock.  I was in the bathtub.  It felt so nice to take a simple and wonderful bath.  Once I got out, we went over to Danny and Peter’s to play cards.

Twelve years.  The four of us have been great friends for 12 years.

Only my relatives have known me longer than they have.

…

Saturday came quick!

Kevin had to be at McDonald’s at 8:00 a.m.  I drove him there.  After I dropped him off I drove by the church.  Mary was there, she is Pastor Steve’s mother.  She cleans the church.  The band wasn’t there practicing this morning.

So, I went to The Pantry and called Cheryl.  I woke her up.  We tried to plan something, but it didn’t work out, so I drove to see Scott.  There were two different cars in his driveway.  And when I knocked on the door a beautiful young woman in a night gown opened it.

Then it hit me.  This wasn’t Scott’s house anymore.

I don’t know where he is.  He doesn’t go to Abundant Life anymore.

Then I stopped by Christi’s house.  Matt answered the door.  He is home for spring break.  Christi was home, but she was asleep.

So, when everyone else failed me, Jenna and Tenielle were there.  I can always count on them.

And this story will be finished later…

May 20, 1994 – Friday – 10:05 p.m.

Now there are only ten days of school left.

All of these people.  And I may never see them again.

Yesterday, Kevin told me something that shocked me greatly.  Remember Dakota, I met him Feb 26th or around there, he’s one of Kevin’s friends from college.  I’m not sure if I wrote about him in my journal, but anyway, he is gay.  I slept in the same bed as that guy then.  Kevin said that he wasn’t gay then, but how does someone become gay?  You can’t just decide you’re gay in the span of a few months, can you?  Kevin said his parents disowned him and took his car and $27,000 out of his bank account.  Wow!

I called Jenna tonight.  Tenielle called me earlier in the day.  But I called Jenna tonight to tell them we didn’t have skit practice tomorrow.  Tenielle was already asleep.  We talked a little while and then I said these two words:  “Good night.”

She said this back:  “Good night to you too, Jacob.”

It was the way she said it though.  I wish you could have heard.

My friend, Jenna.  If she only knew, if she only saw.

Tonight at work I talked to this girl about sex before marriage.  She is about seven or eight months pregnant.  I told her I was a virgin, and thankful to be one.  She said she wished she still was.  So sad.

I can’t believe all of this is happening.  I’m graduating in three weeks.

Three weeks!

No God, let me do it all over again!  I didn’t love enough, I didn’t minister enough!  I was the only Jesus some people ever met, but sometime I just threw you in their faces.  I know so much now!  Let me do it again!

These people!  These lives!  These stories!  You’ve shared them with me for four years, and I took that for granted.  Now only three weeks are left.  It hurts so much right now.  How will it feel on June 10, 1994.

Be with me.