May 26, 2000 – Friday – 6:36 p.m.

It has been seven months since that perfect night in Currituck with beautiful Marie.

Dan is in front of me playing Tetris 2.  Marie and I talked over the phone last night.  She is having a good time in New Jersey.  She doesn’t seem to be missing me.  That is a good thing I guess.  She is in the world she knows best.  I am in the corporate world I know not of.

. . .

It is a little later on this Friday night now.  I just got off the phone with Marie.  She called while I was writing earlier.  Part of me feels like she doesn’t want to have a relationship with me anymore.  I think she’s going to run away.

I just pray that you guide her God.  If you want her to go, then please let it happen.  We’ve had some good times, but perhaps I am not the best fit for her.  The last thing I want is to be a burden to her.

I’d give the world to be home tonight.  I just don’t know where that is.

Dan is still playing Tetris 2.

I am in a place I’ve never been.


Oh God, it feels like that is all I have.  Just these words on these pages.

I’d rather have you Jesus.

Feels like much is on my heart.

But I’ve got nothing to say.


May 24, 1995 – Wednesday – 11:11 p.m.

I worked this morning.

I act very crazy at McDonald’s.  I do it on purpose simply to make time go by faster.  But it ends up that I’m having so much fun that I don’t really want to leave and come home.

I learned so much at church tonight.  Pastor Steve is so wonderful.  I’m doing all of this for my sweet Lord!  Everything that this land has given me is fading away.  I sense this world passing by and a new world being born in Banner Elk.  Cheryl seems upset with me.  Even Jenna and Tenielle seem a little distant.  Even though I’m home for the summer, maybe they know I am already gone for good.

I have no one but my Lord.  I give my heart out, but they give it back.  But perhaps that is wise of them, but there is no one here to give it to now.  There is Emily in Florida to give my heart to, and everytime I do I feel it overflowing with the loving power of the Lord!

Set me free Father!

Let me live in the shadow of your wing!

I just want to spend this summer learning more about you!

June 4, 1994 – Saturday – 10:20 p.m.

Each Saturday appears to contain a story all its own.

I didn’t go to band practice this morning and skit practice was cancelled because hardly anyone showed up.  It was Cheryl’s fault.  She forgot to call everyone.

So, it was just Cheryl and I.  I left and went to visit Veronica’s family.  They’re doing great!  Marcus and Kevin weren’t with me this morning.  I was alone.

I went over to Scott’s and talked to Jenna and Tenielle on the phone.  They were coming to youth group tonight; I called just to make sure.

Scott and I went to the music store in town and played on the piano and keyboards.

Then we came all the way back to my house to get Kevin and Marcus.

Something happened at youth group tonight.  We began speaking about the End Times and the way everyone was talking, it just seemed like I was running out of time for my dreams to come true.  It made me doubt everything I’ve ever done.  But Shurby prayed for me and I prayed after I came home.

The Lord told me that no man knows the hour in which He will return, and that God still has His hand on my life.

I felt better.

Tonight I wasn’t my usual self because of that.  I only looked at the future.  Also tonight, I looked at my beautiful Jenna, and although I was looking at the future, my heart still had a hunger for her in the present.

Then, in my heart, I searched for her in the future, but all I found was a wonderful memory.  A memory that would stick as close to me as she feels to me now.

“Friends are friends forever if the Lord is the Lord of them.”

Eighty-five days.



December 25, 1993 – 7:23 p.m. – Saturday

Christmas is almost over.

I got tons of clothes, praise God!  I also received some tapes and other stuff.  I’ll be up here for another week.  I’m going to miss church tomorrow.  Although I’m up here in Virginia, my mind and heart is still back in Sanford, NC.

I’ve been thinking about Jenna.  She may be 13, but why not take her out just to get to know her some.  We’ll see!

Today, I looked at my grandparents, they have been married for over 40 years.  Is that not amazing!  They’re so old.  One day that is going to be me.

Well, I really don’t know what to write.  I’m almost at the end of this notebook, this fourth Book of Days.  I’ve already bought my fifth book and I brought it with me to Virginia.

Once I get back to school, I have only eight days left in the semester.  Then I start four new classes: Advanced Math, Honors English IV, Computer Applications II, and Library Aid.  It will be harder than the first semester.

Today, I went over to my Aunt Katherine’s to practice Canon in D on her keyboard.  It’s coming along.  Everyone keeps saying, “who taught you to play the piano?”  I just smile.

Well guys, nature is calling at the south end.  I must be going.