July 4, 1995 – Tuesday – 8:35 a.m.

This day has come again.

I am going to Riverbirch Shopping Plaza in Sanford today to help out at our Church’s hotdog stand.  I’m sure Jenna and Tenielle will show up sometime.  Perhaps I’ll see the beautiful fireworks with Jenna again.

Last night, I went with Henry to the “Total Man Forum” meeting.  It is a church men’s group.  I had a great time.  We just fellowshipped and talked.

Well it is time to put my shoes on and let this day begin.

It is now 11:15 p.m.

This day is over.

I arrived at Riverbirch close to 10:00 a.m.  Pastor Steve, Tim and I set things up.  Another guy named Alex came up from church and it was just basically the two of us running the show while Pastor Steve cooked the hot dogs.  I did that for 10 hours.  It was rough.  I got super tired.

Across the sidewalk, there was a woman running a little table.  She had the body and face of Michelle from Lees-McRae.  It drove me crazy.  I miss Michelle so much right now.

Why?

Jenna and Tenielle were there.  I didn’t see them much though.  I saw Sam.  He said hi.  Today he looked like a short punk little kid.  But over the phone he seemed like so much more.

I also saw Mandy and Dana.  The two girls Jonathan and I went to Myrtle Beach with.  Jonathan is supposedly at Myrtle Beach right now.  He’s been cheating on Mandy with a girl named Misty from Asheboro.  Why does he do that?

Tim took my place after the sunset.  I went to the restroom in JCPenny and little Christina and Aaron wanted to walk around with me.  They are two little kids from church.  So I let them.  I bought them some candy and we watched the fireworks together.  Jenna was no where to be found.  I took some pictures.  I was sad.  I came home.

Last yea, I walked around jokingly with a beautiful girl.

This year, I worked my butt off in the heat selling hot dogs to strangers.  For no pay!

What has happened to me?

What has changed?

What is important?

Am I a man?

Or still a little boy?

Am I a man of God?

Is there a woman of God who is looking for someone like me?

I am 18-years-old.

I’ll be 19 next month.

I have hardly begun to live.

Yet, I feel as if I have survived through so many lifetimes already.

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July 4, 1994 – Monday – 1:45 p.m.

I called Jenna. We tried to make plans but my mom wasn’t home so I said I’d call her back later.

Jonathan came by and we discussed plans for our Deep Creek trip. I talked to Lisa today. Fishnet is going to be awesome!

Then I called Jenna back and we made plans. At 3:00 p.m. mom will leave and I will go with her to Sanford. She’ll drop me off at Sally’s house where Jenna and Tenielle will be. She will go back to pick Henry up from helping sell hotdogs at the Riverbirch Shopping Plaza (where the fireworks will be later) and then go home so he can shower and change. They’ll come back and pick up Jenna, Tenielle, and myself from Sally’s and we’ll go see The Lion King, then go and see the fireworks.  From there, Ginger will come and pick up the girls and take them home, then I’ll just ride home with mom and Henry.

Kevin works until 3:00 p.m., so I don’t know if he will be with us; Marcus works until 8:00 p.m.

Hopefully the plans won’t go awry.  

Thank you Lord for this beautiful fourth of July!