March 27, 1994 – Sunday – 11:15 p.m.

Yesterday we went to the park after singing practice.  We being myself, Marcua, Cheryl, Megan, and Anne.  She is down for her spring break.  We also went to see Mrs. Doubtfire.

Youth group went well.  I miss taking Jenna and Tenielle back on Saturday nights.

Today I went home after church; I didn’t go anywhere.  I borrowed Andy’s Roller Blades; Hank said I could keep them for a week or so.  Cool!

Tonight at church Tenielle was sitting behind me and after church she came up to me and said, “Jenna is beautiful” in one of those ways.  While we were standing up and praying and singing she opened my journal and read two pages of it.  I think she read January 12, 1994, but I’m not exactly sure.  She said she was sorry.

I was upset, but I didn’t mind her reading it I just felt like she robbed me of something uncaringly.  She at least could have asked and meant it.  It really hurt.  I really don’t care about what she read; it was nothing big, but it was just the fact that I trusted her and I thought she was better than that.  I thought she had more respect for me than that.

But I can see I was a little wrong.  She told me that Jenna told her to read it and that hurt me more than anything.  Jenna is constantly picking on me and laughing at me.  It doesn’t really get to me because…well…you know.  I see now that they don’t see me the way I see them.

Kevin was down from college for the weekend and Mom and I took him back tonight.  On the way back we had a good talk about me going off to college soon.  She asked me what my greatest fear was about leaving.  I told her I have one, but that I felt uncomfortable telling her, so I didn’t.

I’m not going to write it in here either, because you never know who might steal my journal while I worshiping Jesus in church and read it.  Ha ha.

September 8, 1993 – Wednesday – 4:35 p.m.

Marcus’s brother told me today that in Greensboro a seven-year-old boy went into a public bathroom while his mom waited outside.  Some men in the bathroom attacked the little boy and cut off his penis and flushed it down the toilet.  The boy bled to death and died.

Did you hear what I just said?  I don’t understand.  What is out there in the world?  My parents have shielded me from the world for so long.  Christians are there in the world, but the wicked are out there too.  One day I must leave my home and go out into the world.

What an insane idea.  Who out there will love me?

But I must go; my destiny and my fate pull me there like a magnet.  The world is dark and terribly wild.  There are people out there who would kill a little child.

I miss the Young Indiana Jones Chronicles.  I’m not sure why it isn’t on any more.  It always made me think about what is out there in the world.  I’ve experienced so little.  Months ago, when I stood on top of Pilot Mountain, I saw so much and I saw so far, but I still saw so little.

I used to live in Germany as a kid, but I hardly remember anything about it.  This world is so large, and I wish to see it all.  There is so much out there.

So many souls.

So many lives.

So many stories.

We must discover the world for ourself.