June 4, 1994 – Saturday – 10:20 p.m.

Each Saturday appears to contain a story all its own.

I didn’t go to band practice this morning and skit practice was cancelled because hardly anyone showed up.  It was Cheryl’s fault.  She forgot to call everyone.

So, it was just Cheryl and I.  I left and went to visit Veronica’s family.  They’re doing great!  Marcus and Kevin weren’t with me this morning.  I was alone.

I went over to Scott’s and talked to Jenna and Tenielle on the phone.  They were coming to youth group tonight; I called just to make sure.

Scott and I went to the music store in town and played on the piano and keyboards.

Then we came all the way back to my house to get Kevin and Marcus.

Something happened at youth group tonight.  We began speaking about the End Times and the way everyone was talking, it just seemed like I was running out of time for my dreams to come true.  It made me doubt everything I’ve ever done.  But Shurby prayed for me and I prayed after I came home.

The Lord told me that no man knows the hour in which He will return, and that God still has His hand on my life.

I felt better.

Tonight I wasn’t my usual self because of that.  I only looked at the future.  Also tonight, I looked at my beautiful Jenna, and although I was looking at the future, my heart still had a hunger for her in the present.

Then, in my heart, I searched for her in the future, but all I found was a wonderful memory.  A memory that would stick as close to me as she feels to me now.

“Friends are friends forever if the Lord is the Lord of them.”

Eighty-five days.



February 6, 1994 – Sunday – 11:10 p.m.

It seems I was mistaken.  Shurby did not confront everything Saturday night.  He told me Wednesday that we would.  Most of the junk that I wrote about on Thursday has blown over, but some of it is still going on.

I’m not going to finish writing about it though.  It is in the past and I don’t want to get into it, but I will sum it up:

Scott got into Cheryl and Marcus’s business and assumed wrongly in some areas and talked to everyone else about it besides Marcus.  They have talked it out though.  Everything is okay.  I think.

I had a rough night Friday at work.  I’m sick of seeing those french fries.

Saturday itself was physically wet, rainy, and muddy, but emotionally and spiritually it was as bright and as warm as could be.  It is always so hard to describe every Saturday and Sunday to you because so much happens and I can’t really explain it in words, but I’ll do my best.

There was band practice and then skit practice.  In skit practice, Pastor Steve told me to direct the skit.  I thought that was weird.  I was just sitting there.  There were only five of us there.  He told me what he would like to see, but he had to rehearse for the Missionettes crowning ceremony, so he just put the whole thing in my hands.  In my spirit, I heard a voice say, “Get used to this Jacob.  It will happen a lot.”

So I did.

We are performing the skit next Sunday.  It is about the end times.

After that, Marcus and I went to Fayetteville to pick Kevin up.  He wanted to come back for the weekend.  We got there and then the three of us went to the mall.  We walked around and then left.  It turns out they just wanted to go look at girls.

We then went to Cameron to Jenna and Tenielle’s house.  We played basketball and I played on their keyboard.  One time though, I was alone with Jenna in her room.  She was a little shy, but I like it when she is that way.

I kept waiting for her to ask me about my alphabet line, but she never did.  When the time came, we all went to youth group.  Kevin and Marcus set it up to where Jenna sat up front with me on the way there.

Youth group was great.  Shurby preached the word and said nothing off-color.

Afterwards, I had to take Wayne home and I did.  Kevin and Marcus went in to see everyone so Jenna and I plus Tenielle and Wayne drove down the block to the park.

We just walked around in the dark and talked.  Jenna was holding onto my arm.  I wanted so badly to reach down and hold her hand, but I didn’t.

Wayne and I used to go to that park a lot when I was a Freshman and Sophomore.  We would pretend we were Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

We drove back up the block, got Kevin and Marcus, and then I drove to Cameron.  When we got to their house, we all jumped on the trampoline again.

Before I left, Jenna gave me a letter.

I read it when I got home and in it she asked about my alphabet line.  She didn’t get it.  She didn’t get it at all.  I wrote her back saying it was simple, you just had to look closely at it.  I gave her the letter this morning.

Henry took Kevin back to college after church.  I didn’t want to go so Marcus and I went to Wayne’s house.  Jenna knew I was going over there.  After I had been there for 40 minutes, Jenna calls asking for me.  She is asking about my alphabet line and it turns out that she is at a pay phone at Winn-Dixie.  Her mom’s friend, who brings them to church, had to do some shopping so she never figured it out.

After they got home, she called me two more times asking me to give her hints.  I gave her a few, but she still didn’t get it.  That night at the Missionettes Crowning Ceremony, she kept bugging me for more hints.  In fact, everyone kept bugging me, Sunny, Tenielle, Wayne, Shane, Shar, everyone.

She left church not knowing.

It’s simple right?


If I had my way, this is the way the alphabet would be

But I don’t think the world will let me.”

You guys get it don’t you?

September 26, 1993 – Sunday – 7:15 p.m.

The church fellowship was today, so we didn’t have church tonight.

I just skimmed through my first three Books of Days.  I feel so stupid.  When I first started my journal I never wrote much about skit group or youth group; I just wrote about Veronica and she isn’t half as important to me as those memories are now.  Today was so hard after yesterday’s realizations.  I can’t go back and I feel like it’s killing me.  I wish I could make you understand.

The summer of ’93 was great, but the fall, winter, and spring of ’92 and ’93 were far better.

September 12, 1992 to June 5, 1993.

So many complications with Veronica, the one I thought I loved, when the people I truly loved and still love were the group of friends whose company I took for granted.  Most of them are still around and we will continue to have great times, but right now it hurts because I know it will end soon.

Why am I like this Jesus?  Why do memories mean so much to me?

Today a little girl gave a picture to me.  I don’t know when it was taken, but it was after December and before May because Tammy is in the picture.  Jonathan is in there, too.  I realized how much I miss him.

I’m not in the picture, and neither is Marcus, but mostly everyone else is.  Look at us all!  Inseparable friends!  All happy, all smiling, covered in the joy of the Lord.

But the day will come when another group of young people will grow up in that church and we will go our own way.  But, wherever we end up, we all know who we are and whose we are.  Nothing can take that away.

The Lord just showed it to me.  I shouldn’t be sad over this; I should count it all joy.  We are the Endtime Warriors!  We are the Emmanuel Players!  Whether we are together or not, we are family.  Even if we are on the opposite sides of the globe, we will always be one.

We will grow up and never forget our youth and we will love the Lord until the end of our days.

Lord, Make us instruments of your peace,

Where there is hatred, let your love increase

Lord, make us instruments of your peace,

Walls of pride and prejudice shall cease

When we are your instruments of peace.

Where there is hatred, we will show his love

Where there is injury, we will never judge

Where there is striving, we will speak his peace

To the millions crying for release,

We will be his instruments of peace

Where there is blindness, we will pray for sight

Where there is darkness, we will shine his light

Where there is sadness, we will bear their grief

To the millions crying for relief,

We will be your instruments of peace.