April 4, 1999 – Sunday – 11:14 p.m.

It’s been a wonderful Easter Sunday!  I went to Sterling’s after church, then over to Christian’s and Connie’s, where we played frisbee.  We celebrated Easter as well as a group member’s birthday.

A southern gospel group called the Tully Trio put on a concert at church tonight.  It was surprisingly good.  Afterwards, myself and eight of the teens from youth went out to eat at Applebee’s.

Kimberly’s cousin was with us, and he kept laughing so hard at all my jokes that he began choking and snot bolted out of his nose.  It was a fun evening.  I do not believe I have yet grasped the realization of the true treasure that is in each of the teens here.  Please God, teach me that before it’s too late.

March 30, 1997 – Sunday – 10:25 p.m.

It’s been a slow day.  Church at Hickory Free Will Baptist, lunch with Tracey and her 20 other family members, a long nap, and an even longer walk.

My walk was nice.  I went into the open plains behind Tracey’s house.  It was very flat, but very beautiful.  Geese were all around.  The sun was setting and I was perfectly happy in my solitude.  I thought a lot while I was walking.  Jeni tries to control me.  She tells me what to do, what to wear, how to act.  She tries to be my mother.  I can’t stand it.  She really annoyed me today.  She kept coming up to me and putting her arms around me.  I wish she would leave me alone.  She’s been making me feel really uncomfortable.  I feel bad for kissing her the other night.

This evening, I just rested because my stomach was bothering me.  I listened to music in Tracey’s room.  I listened to Michael W. Smith’s “Emily.”  While listening to it, I pulled Emily’s picture out of my wallet and looked at it.  Jeni barged into the room and saw me looking at Emily’s picture.  She got a weird look on her face and left.

Jeni is wonderful, but not for me and I find comfort in her graduating.

Please send her on her way Lord, and take care of her.

April 7, 1996 – Sunday – 11:20 p.m.

A beautiful Easter.  There were snowflakes in the morning, sunshine in the afternoon, and the most amazing sunset of the year so far.

The skit we performed went wonderfully at church.  By the end of the morning, I began to grow weary of the number of times I said “thank you” to all the compliments.  People cried.  Everyone was touched.

Thank you Lord.

Molly sat next to me in church.  She would play with her hair.  I would watch.  Our elbows would sometimes touch.  And she hugged me when the service was over.

We ate at Marty and Stan’s for Lunch.  A lot of people were there.  I now believe we even have some adults interested in doing some drama for church.  People seem to be amazed by me.  They asked me where I got the material, but I simply pointed to my head.  They couldn’t believe that I made it all up.  It is how I worship.  It is the gift God has given me.

Look how far I’ve come from those days with the Emmanuel Players at Abundant Life.

It began in 1990 when I was asked to be a puppeteer for children’s church.  I then began doing some scene, then they asked me to play a small part in the Christmas play.  I did and I was adored.  I continued with puppets, then did some clown work and created other characters and scenes.  In August of 1992 we began a skit group.  Jason led us.  I watched him and I performed several skits directed by him.  We became inseparable friends.  All of us.  Those names are forever stored in my heart.

For the summer of 1993, Jason had to leave.  I tried to lead us.  Pastor Steve tried, but the flame had grown damp.  However, it was not damp in me.  I directed a few skits before we split up and I continued with children’s church.

Then I came to Lees-McRae; Once Upon a Mattress, Of Mice and Men, A Few Good Men, Antigone, Bearclaw, Christmas Comes to Lone Star Gulch, tons of acting classes and now I’m leading church drama again.

But my greatest teacher is God.  I don’t need to be famous.  I don’t need to be rich.  I just need to use the arts to show people how much God loves them.

April 6, 1996 – Saturday – 4:10 p.m.

It’s Easter weekend.  We have no classes on Monday, so everyone’s gone.  The dorm is empty.  Only the dripping water from a broken shower-head fills the lonely hallways.  A misty fog fills the air.  I can barely make out the evergreens through my window pane.

I am on duty.

I spent the day simply enjoying solitude.  I read some of The Oath.  An absolutely amazing book.  It’s too cold to work at the Humane Society for my community service hours.  I called my mom.  My summer plans are definite.

Earlier today I planned out my courses for the rest of the year, and it donned on me that it is April again.  Last year this time I was constantly calling and writing Emily.  We even spoke the words “I love you” to each other.  And we did.  We loved each other’s voice and words and soul.  But all good things must… well, you know.

Soon, this year will end.  This means I will be a Junior.  Charlie was a Junior when I met him.  Charlie graduates in a month.  He has been offered youth pastoring jobs in Kentucky and even on the coast of North Carolina and one down in Florida.  He and Dan and I talked about it last night.  We reflected on the past year, the guys on our hall, my problems with Jeni, and we even laughed about everything we experienced that was painful at the time.

And then, Dan opened up.  He told us how he cried on the last day of ski season.  He reached the bottom of the mountain, the snow was melting, the thing he loves most was disappearing.  He was alone.  No skiers around.  He sat on a bench and wept.  A whole summer and early fall would have to pass before he could fly over the powder again.

We talked about Charlie and Kate and love, and Dan wanted us to change the subject.  He can ski down the side of a cliff, but he’s afraid to talk about love.  As a young child, he saw a woman take his older brother away.  Does loving one subtract from the other?

I’ve been selfish.  I’ve forgotten the people around me actually have beating hearts.  They are alive.  I learned that under the endless Arizona sky.

And it all comes together.  It all makes sense.  I now know the secret to life:  every now and then, take a moment to lie on your favorite bed and look out the window.  Then dream about the lives that have touched you, and write them down so you will be forced to remember and never forget.

This, and prayer, and the giving away of all of my love, is how I survive.  It is the food that sustains me.

As I walked back from lunch today, a pebble got caught in my sandal.  It was carried a little ways, then it fell out and found itself in a place…

a new place,

totally different from where it began.

April 5, 1996 – Friday – 10:50 p.m.

It’s Good Friday!  I love you Lord.  Thanks for giving your life so that I may know the joy of living in your love.

I went to the doctor yesterday.  This thing in my mouth is getting really bad, so next week I will go to Boone and get it taken out.

I spoke with Dr. D. today and I did get the Box Office Assistant job.  I will begin it in June, as well as take some classes over the summer.  I plan on taking Career Management, Costuming, and Psychology.  But for the month of May I plan to go back to Siler City and work for a month at McDonald’s.  That will allow me to see Marcus, Kevin, Mike, Jenna, and Tenielle.

However, I know that the summer will consist of more than just classes and work.  Names will be added.  Great moments will be made.  Girls will catch my eye.

And I’m sure I’ll be lonely every now and then.

April 17, 1995 – Monday – 1:40 a.m.

It’s early Monday morning.  Easter Sunday is over and it was a super nice day!

Emily called me about an hour and a half ago.  I just got off the phone with her.  Her Spring Break has begun and she is going to stay in a condo on the beach all of next week.

We talked about so many things.  She says that she is going to use their video camera and video herself, her family, and some of her friends and send it to me.

I hope she does.  That would be really sweet.

She told me about her life and school and the way she sees things.  She says that she is so high on life these days.  I wish I was with her.  I am I suppose.  She sees me as a big part of her life.

She is definitely a huge part of mine.

She is finding her tomorrow.  She is smiling.  She is happy.  She is the most amazing girl I know.

I want her Lord.  However I can have her I will take her.  If she is only a friend, hundreds of miles away, then I am happy.  If she is more, I am happy.  If she is less, then I will have my memory to make me happy.

Another story has begun.

Another chapter.

Another note.  However, this note began to play before the idea of the never-ending Canon in D came along.

I will write this story one day at a time.

Until the next story begins.

This is the story about the Angel and her Prince.  It began almost two years ago.

And I pray it never ends.

April 14, 1995 – Friday – 11:25 a.m.

April is already half over.

I sent Emily a letter yesterday.  I miss her.

I have no classes today and Monday due to Easter.  I was supposed to judge a talent show today, but that was cancelled.

Last night we had the Agape Service at church.  Everyone ate a meal together and there was some singing and preaching.  I was next to Shannon in line.  She talked to me a little.  I don’t believe I’ve mentioned her before, but she is a very beautiful freshman at ASU in Boone.  Every guy at church stands in awe of her beauty.  We just talked about school.

Laura and I also talked a little bit.

In one month I will be on my way home.

My freshman year of college is almost over.  It went by so quickly.  I did get the position as an RA for next year.  I’ll be on the same floor as I am now.  Charlie will most likely be the Assistant RD over all of Back Campus.

I have to be back here on August 15, 1995 for my training.  I will spend my 19th birthday here.

That is four months from now.  And I’ll spend three of those four months in Siler City, NC.

And so I continue on.  The summer of 1995.

And before I know it, it’ll be the 21st Century.

Who sees?

Does Charlie see?

Does Shannon see?  Does Laura see?

Does Lees-McRae see?

Does Jenna see?  Does Tenielle?

Does Marcus?  Kevin?  Jonathan?

Emily sees.  All too well!

Do I?

April 3, 1994 – Sunday – 9:15 p.m.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter.

Jenna and Tenielle were dressed up this morning.  They are so amazingly beautiful.

After church Marcus and I drove up with Henry to Chapel Hill to get the “On-Call” car he can use when he is on-call.  Marcus and I hung around up there and walked around on Franklin Street.  Then we left and went to the park so I could rollerblade.

At church tonight Tenielle wore her spring dress that she wore this morning.  I sat beside her; she has such a great smile.  We arm wrestled and she beat me.  I must admit, I’m a little weak, but I couldn’t believe she beat me.  We did tie once, so that is something, though I’m not sure how you tie in arm-wrestling, but we did it nonetheless.

There is something about Tenielle, something I’m attracted to.  Something besides how beautiful she is.  I can’t really put a finger on it though.

Marcus and I got along well today.  Whatever I felt towards him as blown over.

It was a great Easter!  I have a full week without school ahead of me.

I have very little money, but you don’t need money to have a good time.

Anne is going back to college tomorrow.  It was good to see her.

The day was nice.  I loved people, I didn’t get upset about anything.  I laughed a lot.  I spent the day with a great friend.  It was windy while I rollerbladed and the wind blew through my hair.  Is there anything better than wind in your hair?

Jenna and Tenielle smiled at me.  Is there anything better than a pretty girl smiling at you?  Or two pretty girls for that matter?

And I smiled at them.  As I see Tenielle now, I know that I have helped change her life.  She used to use bad language and get upset over little things.  Now she prays for people and witnesses to people.  I’ve helped her become who she is now.

One person.

I have changed her world and her world will change others like it has already changed mine.  And I will go on to change others.

I’ve been on this planet for 17 years.

All the love I could have given, but I didn’t.  I didn’t.

Someone could be dead now because of me.

I will love the world by loving one more person.  In time, the world will be saved.