September 17, 1995 – Sunday – 1:47 a.m.

I went to a party tonight at Eliana’s house.  It was her 21st birthday.  Vince and Dan went with me.  We had fun.  A lot of people were drinking and they all wanted me to drink as well.  That was the first time I had ever been exposed to stuff like that, but I laughed and made a joke out of it and said “no, thanks.”  Others seemed to respect me for it.

I called Christi tonight.  I had to ask her a few questions about old games we use to play during youth group.  While I talked to her I realized I was listening to The Power of One soundtrack.  It was that exact song that she and Ryan choreographed a little skit to on the bright green grass at San Lee Park so long ago.  I still vividly remember those jean shorts she was wearing.  And the strength in her bare feet as bounced around on the grass.

Woman's bare feet in grass with daisies between toes

Grass that dies, only to be reborn.

Oh, how I miss her.

A couple of times each year, something will happen and I’ll begin to endlessly think about Christi.

So much so, that I can’t even sleep.


May 8, 1994 – Sunday – 10:13 p.m.

Well here it is, My 6th Book of Days.

By the time I finish writing in this notebook my life will have begun again somewhere else.

It has been five days since I ended My 5th Book of Days.  Five days of joy.  Wednesday I went with Rhonda, Lisa and Wendy from school to sell Bear Facts (the school newspaper) at J.S. Waters school.  We went out to eat lunch afterward.  Nice time.

I worked at McDonald’s on Friday night until about 11:00 p.m. and then I went with Kevin, Kenny, a guy named Rodney to go bowling in Asheboro.  I didn’t get home until 3:30 in the morning.

Saturday, I directed a skit which everyone enjoyed at church this morning.  After youth group on Saturday, I took Jenna and Tenielle home and stayed with them for a few minutes.  When Jenna hugged me before I left I licked her cheek.  She always does that to me.

She couldn’t believe I did that.

Tonight we had a birthday party at church for Shurby and I wiped cake icing on Jenna’s face.

The three of us, Jenna, Tenielle and I have come so far so fast.

We have nothing to hide and we get along so well.  I love our friendship.

Cheryl went to the beach this weekend.  She told me that she went with Ryan and that Ryan was drinking.  But Cheryl didn’t drink.  Ryan, I wonder if all of this was ever a reality to you?  Please don’t fall too far, I won’t be there to catch you.

Today, we visited Veronica’s and she got out all the old letters I wrote to her and began reading them out loud.  I couldn’t believe I wrote some of that stuff.  What was I thinking?

But that was in the past.  I have grown up a little.

And by the time this book is finished, I’m afraid I will have grown up a lot.

This may actually hurt a little bit.

Bear with me.