September 23, 1997 – Tuesday – 6:40 p.m.

Emily and Mason and I had a rehearsal today and it went beautifully.  They tell me that other students in acting class aren’t working well with their student directors.  They said that no other directors have had rehearsals yet.  They are so excited because they know their scene is going to be great.  I enjoy making them happy.  After our rehearsal I came to my room and sang praises to my God.  I get so uncontrollably happy when I direct.

I ate across the table from Abigail tonight and we carried on a little conversation.  And while we were getting ready to leave we stood next to each other.  Our bodies weren’t touching or anything but it just surprise me that I was very aware that she was there.

Autumn is here and it’s never been so beautiful.  Justin is becoming a trusting friend.  I’m so glad he’s here.  I’ll soon have my application complete and ready to send off to Regent University.  I also need to look into a summer job.

My days here are fading away.  I’m running out of time to bless my friends.  Soon I’ll simply be a person who just used to go here.  The Freshmen of next year won’t know me. The Freshmen of this year will most likely forget my face.  I’ll disappear like the bright yellow and red covering the mountainside.

But I leave knowing I at least made a difference while I was here, or the Jesus in me did anyway.  So many names, so many eyes.  Their lives have touched mine.  I am my collection.

I am who I am, only because of them.

September 11, 1996 – Wednesday – 5:50 p.m.

The weirdest thing happened today.  I was talking with Alex, a directing class student, and he told me that Dr. Speer told him that she was really looking forward to having me in the directing class next year because she could see the natural God-given talent that I have.  Alex also said that other students are looking forward to being in my scenes.  Josh even told me that he didn’t take Acting this year just so he could work with me next year.

I don’t understand.

I directed a few skits back home, and I did the Christmas Show at Heaton last year and few skits this year, but that is all.  Yet, people know about me and they view me as a director.

Thank you for the affirmation Lord.  I desire to tell stories through theater and film about the love you have shown me.  You are perfect.  I want to grow closer to you.

March 17, 1994 – Thursday – 10:50 p.m.

Considering I only got three hours of sleep last night, I’m really tired.

So, let me continue with last night.  Jenna was at church.  Tenielle wasn’t.  Jonathan was there and he flirted with Jenna.  It didn’t really bother me, because well, it’s hard to explain.

Something has happened between the two of us.  We’re still good friends, we still joke around.  We still throw each other these looks and lines, but in those looks there is a distance.  A distance greater than there was before.

Why?

I don’t know.

I suppose it is because we both know how we used to feel and how we feel now.

Tonight we had skit practice because we will perform at the youth explosion Saturday.  The whole youth group showed up since we needed everyone.  Jenna and Tenielle were there.  And tonight Jenna looked at me in one of the ways that she does, and she asked me a question, “Jacob, am I your friend?”  I nodded and said, “Yes, you are.”  She nodded and smiled back.

And in that we both knew that what used to be had changed and we are only good friends.  Which is more than I could have asked for.  There is a distance in our eyes now.  So, we are not meant to be.

Pastor Steve handed the skits over to me again.  We did the Mask Skit and the Abortion Skit.  Those are the ones we’re going to do on Saturday.  It was fun directing.  Jonathan kept calling me Jacob Spielberg.

Afterwards, Kevin, Scott, Jonathan and I went to Taco Bell and did crazy things.  Marcus had a track meet.  We had a blast.  I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so much in one day.

It is the middle of March now.

Spring is here.

Winter is over.

In the winter of ’92-’93 I went through some complex times with Veronica.  Then spring came and so did Ryan.  My infatuation with her lasted through the spring and the summer and into the fall.  Throughout those seasons, Christi popped up every now and then.

She still does.

Then things changed.

Something happened.

The people who made my life so great went away.  Jason, Anne, Christi, Ryan, and so on.  They weren’t around as much.

The cold winter came and I was without them.  The winter.

But in that winter, I found two roses who kept my heart warm.

All the other flowers had faded.

My grasp on those two roses has loosened, but they’re encouragement is still greatly appreciated.

All they have to do is smile.

But now in the spring of 1994, there is no special flower to which a great portion of my attention goes.  They say flowers grow in the spring.  We will have to see.

In a way, I wish a new flower would grow.  One which I’ve never seen or known before.  But…we all know those kind only grow in the summer.