October 8, 2000 – Sunday – 1:00 p.m.

It is one o’clock on a Sunday afternoon.

I am alone.

Love Song for a Savior fills my ears. There is a chill in the air. I just ate a peanut butter and a banana sandwich, and I can tell I’m in one of those moods.

The Caedmon’s Call concert Friday night was wonderful. I was able to go backstage, and I learned that my favorite male artist, Derek Webb, is marrying one of my favorite female artists, Sandra McCracken! That blew me away and really made my whole year!

There is a girl that I’ve taken to noticing. I really don’t know anything about her except that she is 20, and I like the simple way she puts up her blonde hair, as well as the little glasses she wears. She has a beautiful high-pitched voice, and it blesses me when she says my name.

Why is it that I often feel like I go through life all alone? The first week of October has flown by, and I’ve reached one of those days where I feel so lost and out of place. Why do these days come?

Will I ever share this life with someone and spend our days living in harmony with God and each other?

My friends back in North Carolina never call. Why am I always the one to keep in touch? It would be nice for them to call me every once in a while.

There is really only one thing I desire right now, and that is that it’ll eventually hurt when I leave this little corner of the world. Is there anything more tragic than spending years in a place and then never missing it? Oh God, let me do some good while I’m here.

I give you the rest of this Sunday. Use me.

October 5, 2000 – Thursday – 10:08 p.m.

I’m going to see Caedmon’s Call in concert tomorrow night! That’s awesome!

Well, the days have been interesting. I have the best job in the world. Vince and I made a super funny video on Tuesday. I can’t wait for it to be shown on the big screen on Sunday.

The college-age small group I’ll be leading kicks off on October 19th. I’m so excited; that’s two weeks from tonight.

The Accuser finally shoots next weekend. This morning myself plus some other student directors were interviewed by Portfolio magazine about filmmaking. So this is where I am now. Everyday I’m writing, directing, and editing videos that find an audience every Sunday. I’m in a delightful small group, and soon I’ll be leading one. Plus, I’m directing and finishing up some short 16mm films.

I’m doing all that I’ve ever wanted to do.

October 10, 1999 – Sunday – 6:32 p.m.

This morning I found out who I was.

Friday night I went to the Naro with Mary Anne and Brian to hang out with rich people drinking wine and listening to a four piece string quartet at the opening gala of a film presentation tour of the Library of Congress.  Then we watched Treasure of the Sierra Madre and On The Waterfront.  Both were newly restored 35mm prints.

I went back yesterday to see Sunrise and Letter From An Unknown Woman.  All four were pure perfection!

After church I went to the computer lab to work and I just returned.  But this morning through reading the newest CCM and reflecting back on the Caedmon’s Call concert, I realized that I have been and I always will be a Folk Filmmaker; I will tell the stories of the common people.

October 8, 1999 – Friday – 2:00 p.m.

Last night I cut class and went up to Richmond to see Caedmon’s Call in concert.  Jill Phillips and Bebo Norman performed as well.  Jill Phillips is from Chesapeake!  The show that Lindy and I didn’t get to see…I saw last night.  I went by myself, but I got to see my brother and Dad.

At the concert I hung out with some people.  I met this guy named Jeff and this guy named Burke I think, who is an actor doing a film in the area.  He lives in New York, is a model/actor, and says he is doing a film with Denzel Washington.  And he is a Christian.  I got his email.

It was great to be around other Christians and become friends with them in the span of one evening.  How small this world is.  I love the United States.  Anything is possible.

God is doing separate things through so many, but they are all for his glory.  I expect him to do great things through me.  He died for such things.  We have the favor of God all over us.  He goes before us.  Oh, I love you Jesus.  I hope to show others more of you.  I love the beauty I see in others.  I love all the potential.

Thank you for my story Lord.  I don’t want another one.

October 1, 1999 – Friday – 10:30 p.m.

Much has happened in the past week.  Sadly, the Caedmon’s Call was cancelled because Danielle, the lead female singer, got really sick.  So, Lindy and I just spent the weekend in Lynchburg and we were ourselves.  We got a hotel room, ate out, went to some movies, and just hung out.  It was delightful.  What a good friend.

Tuesday and Wednesday were my auditions for DANG!, and they went so well.  I just returned from callbacks.  All is cast except for the role of Amanda.  I’ll meet with two other girls tomorrow and then we’ll decide.  Our callback process was really something.  Everyone said it was the most fun, even if they didn’t get cast.  It was an amazing time for cast and crew and especially for me.

And so, goodbye September.  Three months remain.  What do they hold?

Oh, I forgot to mention that both my scripts were chosen for me to complete and submit. Then they’ll be voted on again.  And my film came back from the lab for at shoot at Sterling’s house.  We have to do one retake, but that’s no problem.  I just love the world of film!  It is home sweet home.

I look around me and this world seems full of so many stories to tell.  But these pages are dedicated to telling the story of Him and me, and about His freedom, and how to find it.

September 25, 1999 – Saturday – 2:10 p.m.

I’m in Lynchburg, Virginia!  Lindy should be here soon.  Chris didn’t come because he has to play drums at church in the morning.  So it’s just Lindy and I with front row tickets and everything!

I pitched a couple of five minute short films yesterday.  They went over really well.  I pray one will get selected and I get to direct it.  Each selected film receives a budget of $5,000.

All of my corporation stuff is finished.  I opened a bank account and everything.

Three pages remain in this journal.  The last time I was in Lynchburg was Thanksgiving with Vince and Allen back in 1998.  That was ten months ago.  The Virginian and American flags fly above me now.  I am on the Liberty campus.  DC Talk went to school here.  It is nice to be among the mountains.

Last night I went to a huge school-wide barbecue at Pat Robertson’s house.  It was really fun and I met and talked with a couple of girls named Bridgette and Christina.

As I reflect back on these past six months it seems like this book begins and ends with Lindy.  It is nice to have a good friend that expands space and time.  I’ve also been to Maine and California, I held a girl named Mary, and I started a motion picture production company.

So, Jesus, how are we?

Am I where you want me to be?

Am I free?

April 15, 1999 – Thursday – 9:30 p.m.

Life is beautiful.

There are beautiful eternal instants happening all around me.  Moments of bike-riding with Kimberly and studying the photo albums of her youth with her under the amber light shade of her living room.

Mary Jo just left here.  We spent nearly an hour together just listening to good music, especially Caedmon’s Call’s Table for Two.  We have declared it our song.  Our conversation turned into a pillow fight.  She is so lovely to be around.

Kerstin came to visit me in the bookstore.  We seem to talk so much about relationships, despite the fact that neither of us are in one.  Oh how beautiful conversation is.

David and his brother and I are going to see The Matrix tonight.  They haven’t seen it yet. I called Vince last night, he said he saw it and he loves it.  He said he plans to spend the summer in Banner Elk, as does everyone else.

Everything looks better.  Everyone is beautiful.  Jesus has become my eyes.  To know him; that is the only reason why we are here.

Angela (from my South Africa trip) and I email each other regularly.  She is such a blessing.  She lives in Seattle.

I’m sure the air feels nice outside McAlister Hall right now, but I’d rather feel the air here.  How wild this thing is.  I don’t miss driving the hour back and forth between Siler City and Winston-Salem; I’m just glad to know I was once there.

I’m happy to know that I was a good undergraduate student and that I did it well.  Oh this life is not my own.  I’m so thankful for that; it’s easier to exist that way.  No burdens.  No fears.  I only task is to let go and love every minute freely and fully.  I job is to rest in his peace and salvation.

My beautiful Jesus.  You are perfection.  Thank you for the life you’ve breathed into me.  I love you.  I do, I do.