August 30, 1997 – Saturday – 11:16 p.m.

So far this has been a crazy weekend.  First of all, Curtis came to visit, which was great!  They all went to Sharon’s house, but I was on duty.  While on duty I had to take care of an alcohol problem in Avery dorm.  It is a crazy long story, no need to write it here.  I don’t want to remember it.

Allen, to everyone’s surprise, went out on a date with a girl named Alicia from ASU.  He met her a week ago some how.  They evidently had a good time.  He really likes her.

While sitting in my room earlier today, I got a call from Dan, “Jacob, you need to come over here we have a problem.”

I ran over to Dan’s room and I saw Allen with his face in his hands crying.  It turns out he talked with his mother over the phone and found out one of his close buddies from back home in New York died in a motorcycle accident.  Allen was bawling hard and no body was saying anything.  He left and I followed him to his room.  We talked some.  He told me how close he was to this guy.  He told me how he called the mother earlier today and could barely say her name through the tears.

I told him it wasn’t fair.  Everyone has their sad stories, but I don’t have any.  Not that I want them, but I simply can’t share in their pain.

“You’re just lucky,” Allen said.  We talked later in the day, after he got himself together.  We were talking about this world and the trials we must go through.  He said the wisest thing, “We simply don’t belong here.”

And he is right.  Just like Marisa said, this weird place is not our home.  There is more to life than this.

Jeanine also came up to visit.  She got really close to Allen this summer and she was hurt when she found out there was a new girl.  My shoulder was there for her to cry on.

My brother Kevin is also up visiting.  He is in a Putt-Putt tournament nearby.  But no one is here now.  They all went bowling in Boone, even Kevin.

These duty night are something else, but they pay the bills and hopefully this job will look good on a resume.  Most of the campus has gone home for Labor Day weekend, so I just find myself sitting here thinking of Sherlive.

October 15, 1996 – Tuesday – 3:50 p.m.

The trees are beautiful.

The sky is clear.

Ann-Marie let me borrow the novel of Braveheart.  I have begun to read it.  I’ve been thinking of her more and more each day.  I don’t know what it is about Ann-Marie.  At first, she doesn’t seem pretty, but then she looks at you, and her eyes are so clear.  Her smile seems awkward at first, but then it quickly turns erotic.  Her cheeks seem puffy, but then I find myself longing to touch them.  I’m not sure how I feel.  But she seems strong in her faith and I just ask that you continue to bless her Lord.

I just talked to my mother.  She is going through a rough time.  Kevin has gone nuts.  He won’t do anything she asks.  He totaled his car.  He runs up the phone bill.  He didn’t mow the grass when mom asked him to, so mom has kicked him out of the house.  He’s sponging off of people at school now.  I’m not even sure if he’s properly enrolled, I think the school kicked him out as well.  And mom told me that before he left, he hit her on the back.

I understand absolutely none of this.  What is his problem?  While we were at Sharon’s when he was up here visiting, he slapped me in the ear when I didn’t hear him ask me a question.  It was really embarrassing.

Oh God, why do I do so well, and my brother just falls apart?

I’m nothing special.

July 1, 1994 – Friday – 3:30 p.m.

I just got back from Sanford.  I have to drive Kevin around everywhere; he is in trouble for the Fayetteville thing.  In fact, he just came in here and asked me to take him to Siler City.  

I’ll finish this later, but again I went to see Jenna and Tenielle this morning.  We had fun!  I took Marcus to work, picked Kevin up from work and took him shopping.  And now I’m taking him shopping again.

I’ll be back.

I’m back.  

Last night I burnt two of my fingers really bad.  It hurt for the longest time.

Kevin really got on my nerves just now.  He tells me how to drive and where to go.  Today I saw a little half of a heart necklace in Tenielle’s room.  I asked her if Kevin had the other half.  She said no and that she would give it to me before she ever gave it to him.

I talked to Lisa today about Fishnet.  I have to meet them at the church in High Falls at 5:30 a.m.  I think she said it was an 8 hour drive.

That’s a long time.  It will be fun though.  I’ll take My Book of Days with me.

Peter is back from Paris.  I told him that we are going to Deep Creek from the 11th until the 16th.  He wasn’t sure what he’ll be doing then, so he might not even go.  If he doesn’t go, then Ben won’t go, so it may just be me, Scott, and Jonathan.

Kevin was saying some stuff today.  The way he talks, he acts like I don’t know Jenna or Tenielle anymore and that they are not my friends.  I wish my brother would just get out of my life.  He is such a brat and a jerk.  He thinks he is “IT!”

But I don’t have much longer to be around him.  The weekend is here.  After tonight I’ll have two weeks off from work.  By the way, I got a raise at work; 25 cents.  I make $5.00 an hour now.

July is here.

June is gone.

I will see the end of this month here, but when the end of the next month calls, I will not be here.

July and August.

Fifty-eight days.


Fifty-eight days.