December 4, 1995 – Monday – 8:30 p.m.

I borrowed a movie called Rich in Love from Amy.  It was wonderful.  It was about family life.  Most of the movie took place during the summer.

I miss the summer.

We had rehearsal last night at church.  It went well.  Leslie bought me a Woody doll.  You know, that guy from Toy Story.  It’s the coolest.

Sharon talked to me last night and told me that Melissa, her oldest daughter, likes Vince.  I told Vince and that was good news to him.  I don’t know what he is going to do about it though.

Crystal called me while I was watching Rich in Love.  She called just to talk. It was kind of weird.

Something has happened to me.  It’s hard to explain.  I want so bad to like someone.  To think about someone all the time.  To lose sleep over someone.  But it’s not happening.  Even when girls call me just to talk, it’s not happening.  I try, but I fail.  I can’t even like Laura any more than a friend.

What has happened?

Who has done this to me?

I feel as if someone has taken that hunger out of me.

Someone has messed with it and broken it without realizing it.


Why can’t I look at someone and be struck to the bone in a moment of breathless delight?

My closest guess of who to blame is Emily.

The angel that I saw with my heart and not my eyes.

But I can’t blame her.  This is all inside me.  I’ll figure it out.  I’ll see what happens.  Perhaps the right girl will come along.

I don’t know.

Do I even care?

June 14, 1994 – Tuesday – 9:56 p.m.

My dad is home.  I couldn’t look him in the eye.

I said nothing, but I will let him know that I know sometime before I leave.  Which is Monday!

It’s June 14th.

Five months ago, I was with Jenna, Tenielle, Sunny, and Shar at Mr. Gattis.

Four months ago I talked to Ryan over the phone.  I was choosing between Christi and Jenna when it turns out that both were far from my reach.

Three months ago Jenna became a 14-year-old beautiful girl.

Two months ago I developed some pictures.

And one month ago was probably the greatest Friday night of my life.

A month from now it’ll be July 14th.

I’m so far from home now and in the midst of this darkness, the only thing that keeps me going is that I’ll soon be back home.  I’ll have so much time when I get back home; about 70 days.

Those 70 days are a gift from God.

I could have had 77 days, but for some odd reason I came up here to learn the truth about my perverted-loser-father and get my heart broken.