June 18, 1995 – Sunday – 10:59 p.m.

Sam (Ryan and Amy’s brother) and Anne (Cheryl sister and Jason’s ex-girlfriend, Jason is also Christi’s brother and Christi and Ryan use to be best friends) bot married on the 17th of June.

Ryan and Amy were there.  Ryan was beautiful.  That evening we saw Batman Forever.  It was cool visually, but that was all.  They made that movie knowing it would make money, but it is no where as good as the first two.

In church this morning I sat between Jenna and Tenielle.  We are all great.  All three of us are here.  This afternoon I watched a movie called The Inn of the Sixth Happiness on video.  Pretty amazing.

And then tonight, Jonathan and I went to High Falls.  The youth group was fun.  Kenny was there and he brought me home so Jonathan could see Mandy.  We talked for an hour.  He is different.

Then, I went for a walk on the railroad tracks.  As before, the threes were all lit up with fireflies.  This is what I realized…

Ryan, Amy, Jonathan, Scott, Tenielle, Cheryl, Christi, Marcus, Kevin, Jenna…

They are all still here.  And they are just one step away.  Ryan and Amy and I got along so easily today.  If I needed them to be, they would be there for me in a heartbeat.  And they know that if they needed me, I would be there for them.

Everything has changed, but absolutely nothing has.

The reason they aren’t closer now, is because I don’t want them to be.  I don’t want it bad enough.  I still love them and care about them, but they aren’t on my mind as much as some other names…

Emily, Michelle, Charlie, James, Caroline, Molly, Crystal, Clifton, Sharon, Laura, Dan, Lisa, and many others.

My heart is with them.  That is where my life should be.

While at High Falls tonight, I realized that my old church was still continuing.  And then I realized that Banner Elk is still continuing.  The whole world turns and it is not noticing me.  But everyday I look up and know that the One who matters most is always watching.


March 16, 1995 – Thursday – 11:00 p.m.

One day closer to Sunday!

Today I washed dishes, went to work at noon, then after I got off work at 6 o’clock I called Marcus to wish him a happy birthday, but he wasn’t there.  I then called Jenna.  She is having a party tomorrow night, but I won’t be able to go; I have to work.

I miss her and Tenielle so much.  I feel like their daddy sometimes, since they don’t have one.

Take care of them Lord!

Mom got mad at us since I made a long-distance phone call, so she wouldn’t let me drive anywhere.  Mike and I went to see Outbreak tonight (he drove).  He liked the movie.  I saw a trailer for Batman Forever.  It looks cool, but Tim Burton is not directing this one.

I am looking forward to going back to Banner Elk.  I mainly just want to get away from this house and obtain my freedom again.

I would spend more time here if it wasn’t for this family.  They keep wanting me to grow up, but then they never let me.

Lord, I want to take this time to ask that you give Emily a wonderful and peaceful night’s sleep.

Goodnight Emily.