April 10, 1995 – Monday – 1:05 a.m.

Sunday has been over for an hour and five minutes.

Church was beautiful this morning.  This afternoon, Charlie, Dan, Clifton, Trey, Phillip, Curt and myself went up to the top of Grandfather Mountain.  The day was so beautiful.  I went all the way to the very top.

I’m sure if I looked hard enough I could see Crestview, Florida.

The evening service was also beautiful.  We ate out afterwards and then I came back here.

10:00 p.m. rolled around and Charlie and I talked for 15 minutes.

And then I called Emily at 10:15 p.m.

I got off the phone with her at 12:45 a.m.

As before, our conversations true beauty and meaning will only be known to us.  We talked about simple things; we talked about everything.  We laughed, we smiled, we loved.

She mentioned her last letter.  She told me to forget most of it.  She knows now that I am real.  She doesn’t have to play a game with me to try and figure me out or test me.  She knows that I too am beyond that.  She apologized for even doing that to me.

We read poetry back and forth to one another.  I told her about the two bald eagles I saw on Grandfather Mountain and how they chirped and called for me after I walked away.

I told her everything that entered my mind during those two and a half hours.

As we began to say goodbye, I told her to say something along the lines of goodbye to help me.

“I love you,” is what she said.

“I love you,” was my immediate reply.

It took us another 30 minutes to say our goodbyes.  At the end of our conversation I said, “I want you Emily.”

She said, “You got me.”

I smiled.

She continued, “I don’t know how Jacob, but you did it.”

She went on to tell me that if I were next to her at that moment she would hug me.

I told her that I would spend a few hours just looking into her eyes.  We talked about meeting each other at Deep Creek.  I asked her to tell all of her friends I said “hi.”

She responded with, “Jacob, I want you to tell everyone who went to Deep Creek with you in ’93 that I have fallen in love with you.”

March 26, April 6, April 9.

Goodnight Emily.

Father God!  I know there is a reason why we are so far away.  And I thank you for your plans and your will.

I love her Lord.

I love Emily.

I don’t know what it means.  I don’t know what to do.  But you gave her to me, so I’m going to continue to love you more.  I don’t know why you gave me such a good and beautiful gift, but I will cherish this woman for the rest of my life.

February 6, 1995 – Monday – 12:45 p.m.

I’m in work-study.  Some stuff has happened.

Jeni and I almost broke up again, but I was afraid that if we did she would immediately drop out of school and return home.  That’s not what she needs to do right now, so I told her that I would give us a second chance.

Jeni has taken me for granted.

She thought I would be around forever, but I’m not going to stay where I’m not happy.  It doesn’t matter how much she’s expressed to be my wife, she still has no right to complain to me for not waiting in my room for her to call.  I’m 18-years-old.  I’m in college.  I have friends!  I didn’t get in this relationship to hand my free will over to someone else.

She still knows nothing of how I see Christi.

Things are a little better, but I’m not going to lie to her or myself.  If I’m not happy then we will both know.

I told her that I was going to be myself and move on with or without her.  Things are going well for me at church, and I’m co-chaplain at FCA as well.

I talked to Brandon, Marcus, and Kevin yesterday on the phone.  They are all good.  Marcus is himself, at least to me.  And Brandon might come see me for spring break.

Kevin is moving on in his walk with the Lord, as am I.

Only time will tell what will happen.

In my room there are 33 bald eagles; thirty pictures and three sculptures.

I love Jesus and I want to serve him.  I am moving on and nothing is going to hold me back.

If a mother eagle keeps her eaglet in the nest too long, that bird will never learn to fly.

God is my mother eagle.

Silver City and Sanford were my nest.

God has pushed me out.

Here, I am learning to fly.

June 18, 1994 – Saturday – 10:57 p.m.

It was a good day.  A lot happened.

While I was sleeping one of my contacts dried up so I had to throw it away.  I didn’t bring my other ones so I can only see out of one eye.  

Dad and I went to the Virginia Living Museum and I saw two bald eagles.  They were so beautiful.  I saw myself in that bird’s eyes.

We went shopping and I bought a keyboard, bigger than the one I had before.  After that we went to see Schindler’s List at a dollar theater.  It had more effect on me the first time, but at the end I still got chocked up.

I go home Monday.  And Friday I go to Lees-McRae for orientation!  I can’t wait.

I have a wish for that day.  I hope it will come true.