December 11, 1997 – Thursday – 7:30 p.m.

I went to our Team Meetings last night.  I saw Sarah there.  We were in The Pinnacle Room since it was the Department’s Christmas Party.  After a while of talking with other people and eyeing Sarah out of the corner of my eye all night, I finally went up to her.  She hugged me and I asked her if she wanted to go for a walk later on.  She said yes.

It was a cold and windy night, but the near full moon, diffused through the clouds, lit the world for us.  Bundled up, we walked to Banner Elk Park.  We had fun.  There was a lot of laughter and a lot of playing.  We were on the playground and she mentioned how everyone in the Performing Arts Department thinks we are going out.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

That made me feel like the idea of us together was a bad idea to her.

“I guess we need to talk about that?” I asked.

“Yeah.”

I went on to tell her how confused I was since I was leaving in five months.  She said she understood.  I asked her to help me in my confusion, but she said she couldn’t.

Wonderful Eternal Instances passed by as we continued to play, but we also found time to be still as we viewed the sky and moon above our small silent souls.

We ended up in a tiny cubbyhole only big enough for the two of us.  And there with her I could be myself.  My soul can go free when I’m with Sarah.

A second passed where I wanted to kiss her, but I felt what we had was going to fade into a lasting friendship and not a romantic one, so I wasn’t too sure if I should kiss her.

She noticed by confusion and asked what was wrong.

I told her.

“Why aren’t you sure if you should kiss me?”

I couldn’t answer.  I was speechless.  I wanted her so badly that I froze.

Forever passed.

“Well here’s my face,” she said.

. . .

Her face is so soft and her lips are so amazing.  I’m not sure how long we kissed, but she had a rehearsal to go to, so we had to walk back to campus.

I returned to my room and three hours went by.  All of that time was spent talking with friends.  Ann-Marie was there, as well as some of the guys.  Ann-Marie stayed until 12:30 a.m. and we talked about the weird and wonderful way we think.

After she left I stripped down to my underwear and jumped in my bed.  Before I even thought about turning off my light, I called Sarah.

Jaminda and Sherlive were there in her room with her.  She said the three of them were having girl talk.  An hour of conversation passed by and during that time Sarah asked me to write down Exodus 23:20.  I could hear Jaminda and Sherlive in the background and they were telling metaphorical stories that made me think Sarah actually wanted our relationship to grow, despite the fact that I would be graduating soon.

I couldn’t handle it anymore.  Finally I said, “Sarah, I’m crazy about you.  I know I’m not here for very long, but I want you.”

A weird sound came from her voice.

“Why didn’t you tell me this on our walk?”

“I don’t know, I lose my mind when I’m with you.”

“Well…”

“Oh no!  I’m freaking you out aren’t I?”

“No, no, no, I’m just really surprised you feel this way.”

“You are?”

“Yeah!!!”

“Well, how do you feel?”

“Well…” she began.

I listened.  And she spoke a series of words that I will never forget.

“I love you Jacob.  And I don’t mean “love” like I love all my friends.  I mean I love you.  I love you.”

I’ve never been shot, but it can’t feel much different.

And I love her too.  I told her.  I jumped out of bed and bundled up again.  We met halfway between our dorms super early on this Thursday morning.  We hugged and kissed at the intersection of the college store and said a prayer before we said goodnight.

When I got back to my bed, I looked up the verse Sarah gave me, “See, I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared.”

 

December 8, 1996 -Sunday – 11:30 p.m.

The latter part of the day contained a few moments of joy.  A late breakfast was being served in the cafeteria.  Abigail sat by me.  She smiled and laughed at the things I said.  She sang at the table with Timothy.  She sounded so beautiful.  I wish I could sing beautifully so she would desire to sing with me.  Music is a huge part of my life, but I can only survive in a chorus.  I don’t sound too great on my own.

I want to live a long time on earth before heaven; if only to be around people like Abigail.

I made a snow angel in the snow as we walked back tonight.

But it seems as if I’m falling for someone else’s angel.

August 31, 1995 – Thursday – 10:10 p.m.

Our plans have changed.  I called my mom tonight to let her know that it was only going to be Syndi and I staying at the house this weekend.  Well, that didn’t go over too well with them.  And they wouldn’t let us, so guess where Syndi and I are spending our weekend..

That’s right!  Deep Creek!!

This is amazing!  I will be able to make it this year.  I will keep my tradition and I will stand over the river next to Pizza Hut and stare out at that never-changing scene.  Syndi will be at my side.  We will hike, we will tube, go to Cherokee and drive go-karts. We will have the time of our lives.

I mentioned something tonight over the phone about how my mom will see us as good friends and like Syndi just for that.  She said that my mom will probably think we are dating since the rest of the campus does.  And what surprised me most is that it doesn’t bother her.  She likes being associated with me.

There are three waterfalls at Deep Creek.  Syndi and I will see them all.  Together we have only see three.  So after this weekend is over, our total will be six.

Four special days…

In the beginning of September…

In a place where I met a girl..

Whom I spent four special days with…

In the of August.

It’s been a month and Emily hasn’t written.

She is an angel to another.

Perhaps I can be a prince to another.

August 1, 1995 – Tuesday – 2:20 a.m.

August.

What a beautiful month this will be.

I feel I have grown so much in the past year.

In 72 hours I will be waking up to go to Florida.

Thirteen days of my summer remain.

A whole new world of responsibility is ahead of me.

But before that I will spend a few precious days with an angel.

And everyday with my best friend Jesus, the Lamb of God.

Everything is beautiful.

Everything is gorgeous.

I am me.

I am free.

Yesterday was yesterday.

Tomorrow is a day away.

My life is now.

This is my great adventure.

July 18, 1995 – Tuesday – 9:17 p.m.

My Ninth Book of Days.

Nine books!

Can you believe that?

Twenty-nine sections!

This section will contain a lot.  First of all, Marcus and I will take a short trip down to Florida.  There I will see and hold Emily.  Shortly after that, I will return to Lees-McRae College in beautiful Banner Elk, NC.  Several new stories will begin there.  And this book will contain them all.

To begin My Ninth Book of Days I will tell a few stories that began yesterday.  On Monday morning, Hank, Patti, Christi, and her friend Nicole came through the drive-thru of my McDonald’s in Siler City.  Yes, they surprised me.  They were taking Christi and Nicole to Statesville where the two girls were joining a group that would tour the United States for the rest of the summer.  She will not be back, I believe, before I leave for school.

I watched them drive off and I remembered those days.

Last night Kevin and Marcus and I visited the Vernoica’s family at Tim’s place before they left for Arkansas.  Shirley’s visit really ministered to me, but as for Veronica…not only is she in another state, but also in a totally different world from mine.

Today, or this evening rather, my car broke down on the way back from getting my eyes checked in Sanford.  I was on 421, so I walked in the rain to a house and called home, Marcus, the Neals, and Tim, but no one answered.  Then a number I had put to memory long ago popped into my head.  Amy answered the phone.  She and her dad came to help me.  He let me drive his truck back to their house to get some jumper cables while he stayed with the car.  And then, at that house, I found Ryan, back from her trip with Cheryl to Florida.  Cheryl, however, is still in Florida.  Small talk was made.  Amy and I drove back to the car, but before I left, I told Ryan jokingly that I would see them the next time the car breaks down.  There is probably a bit of truth in that though.

And Cheryl will return from Florida after I have left for Lees-McRae.

Whether it is sad or not…those five stories:  Christi, Veronica, Ryan, Amy, and Cheryl…seem to be coming to a close.

All is said and done.

. . .

After our goodbyes last night, Kevin and Marcus and I went to the Total Man Forum meeting.  There we talked about sex, courtship, and marriage.  The meeting was great.  Then men in my church are very wise.  One day… I will be too.

. . .

It is obvious that most of my writings in this book will deal with Emily in some way.  I have grown attached to her.  As I look back in my life, I feel like I have deeply loved so many people, but whenever I began to truly care about Emily, they all seemed like childish infatuations in comparison.  So, no matter what may come of us, I will be thankful, because not everyone is given the chance to entertain an angel.

March 29, 1995 – Wednesday – 9:54 a.m.

I have never been an angel’s prince until now.  I asked Emily if I could be her prince Sunday night.  She said yes.

Emily said that she knew something about me when she met me on June 19, 1993.  I asked her to tell me.  She told me to close my eyes and imagine the earth from a viewpoint in space.  Now, picture billions of little white lights circling the earth at high speed.  Now picture one of those lights turning red and moving away from the earth only to turn back and see all the movement and madness circling the earth.  It is only those red lights that are able to truly see what is going on.  She told me she had finally met another red light when she met me.  Someone who is not part of the madness and who stands at a distance to observe it for what it really is.  Someone who truly sees with his heart and his with his eyes.

I told Emily that I felt like I had known her forever, but also that I didn’t really know her at all.  She said, “Jacob, you know more about me than anyone on this earth.  You are the only one who understands me.”

I wrote her a letter last night.  I will mail it today.

All else is normal, but I feel as if something new has just begun.  Something that will stay with me forever.

March 28, 1995 – Tuesday – 11:48 p.m.

Sunday night, March 26, 1995 was the greatest night of my life thus far.  I am sure of it.

I called Emily around 3:00 p.m.  It was 2:00 p.m. in Crestview.  That was the first time I had heard her voice in nearly 18 months.  She sounded beautiful.  We talked for 30 minutes because she had to be at church at 2:30 p.m.  I gave her my number and she called me back at 11:00 p.m. that night.

I thought she was 20 years old, but she is 16.  She was 14 when I met her.  She never told me her age, I just figured she was 18.  It surprised me, but it didn’t bother me.

Only her and I will know how special that conversation was.  We talked about each other.

She loves me.  She loves me for who I am.  She doesn’t know what I look like now.  She sees me as me, as special, as an eagle.

I saw her for who she really is Sunday night.  I held her Sunday night.

She is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen, yet I don’t know what she looks like now either.  All I see is her spirit.

We talked for an hour and a half.  I told her I loved her.  She told me she loved me.

I wish I could tell you more about it, but you will be hearing more about Emily.

I point you to Hebrews 13:2, “Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.”

This is Emily.  Except she is not a stranger.  I have never felt so close to a person before.  Our bodies are hundreds of miles away.  But our spirits hold each other every night.

Goodnight my Angel.