November 22, 1999 – Monday – 5:08 p.m.

Things are getting…well…I don’t believe there is a word for it.

Marie came to church with me and I think she had a good time.  We talked later in the evening.  It turns out that eight other guys beside myself have expressed their interest in her since she moved here in August.  I see that she is a tall, thin, and beautiful woman of God, but that still surprised and shocked me to hear.  But then she said that all of those other guys didn’t really know the real her, but that I did.  She said she felt overwhelmingly blessed by my friendship and that scares her.  She sees me as a treasure.  So there is really nothing I can do except let go and be myself.  We will constantly try to just be thankful for what we have, whatever that is, and try to not look too deeply into the future.

I called Lindy last night.  It seems like Vince is going to be coming here on Friday.

Life feels to be move so quickly.  It is constantly changing.  The very moment something seems to be a constant, or seems to be secure, poof!, it changes!  Only God’s love and grace is constant.  Which brings me to mention that I believe I’ve felt Him more during the past few months than other times in my life.  I wake up in peace although my world is in chaos.

How excellent and crazy it will be to have Vince here!  My good, good friend, yet he does not really belong in this world.  Maybe he can find a place.

Lord, help me not grow too anxious about anything.  Help me take it a day at a time as it comes.

Thanksgiving is around the corner again.  I haven’t had Thanksgiving with my mom since 1993 and even that wasn’t in our home in Siler City.  How weird that I don’t have a home in Siler City anymore.

It is 5:30 p.m. and it is already dark.  I’m looking forward to seeing tomorrow’s full moon with Marie again in North Carolina.  Due to my rehearsal, we will only have an hour to spend there.  Only three weeks of classes remain.  Not only do I have to complete the semester, but I have to finish all of pre-production for DANG!.

Oh God, what is happening?  I laugh because I have no control.  I see your hand on everything.  I see all is fading save you.  I don’t want to be scared God.  I don’t want to be afraid.  You always seem so close.

 

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