March 11, 1998 – Wednesday – 4:00 p.m.

Let me catch you up.

My one act went wonderfully.  Everyone enjoyed it.  Mason even let me shave his head so he’d look more like an old bald guy.

Yesterday at 3:00 p.m. Vince, Ellen, Becca, Ashley, and myself left for Knoxville to go to a Jars of Clay concert.  We drove three hours only to find out they had rescheduled it for April 2nd.  So, we just went to a movie and hung out at her house.  It was a nice little break.  We got back to campus at 11:00 a.m. this morning.  We weren’t even gone 24 hours, but all of us laughed up a storm.  It was a really funny night.

The Highlanders are leaving at 7:30 tomorrow morning.  I won’t see Sarah for about a week and a half.  We’re doing pretty good.  We will not continue our relationship after I graduate…of that I am sure.  It won’t end, it will just change form.

Things are moving very quickly here in the last days.  I’m not afraid, but excited!

I re-read Sarah’s letter I put in my journal on January 12, 1998.  When everything has changed, that letter is the way I’ll remember our relationship.  It has been and will continue to be…a very good thing.

March 8, 1998 – Sunday – 4:30 p.m.

I went with all the guys and girls to see Silage, Grammatrain, and Third Day in concert last night.  I had the best time in the world!  Sarah came to church with me this morning. I just got back from watching the one-act she was in.  She did an okay job, but I didn’t like the show at all.

We are going to slip away from each other pretty soon.  I know it will happen.  In a way, it already has.

But tonight…my one-act opens!  Mason and Jodi have been a joy to work with.  Derek was my stage manager.  We have an amazing show.  Thank you for this season God.

Directing is a very rewarding experience.  And if I can do this for the rest of my life, well…that would be nice.

 

March 7, 1998 – Saturday – 11:00 a.m.

Things have changed.

Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.”

The time has come for Sarah and I to end the type of relationship we have.  She doesn’t know how she feels about me.  I need to let her go.  I am a burden to her, not a refuge.

My world is getting ready to change.  I need to guard my heart so it will be prepared and ready for Regent University.  I also think I will have a more lasting impact on Sarah if I let her go.

I love her.

And when you love someone, you know the truest part of love is when you let them go.  And when you love someone, you can easily see when the time has come to let them go.

I believe it is now that time.

It is not a sad time.  It is simply a time.

Exactly when this will happen…I’m not sure.  I have a long rehearsal this afternoon and I’m going to a Third Day concert tonight.  My brother is also here visiting.

Sarah’s show and my show both open tomorrow.  She is in a one-act and I’m directing one.

I have a little over two months left.  I see Sarah and I in a lasting friendship.  She is one of the best things that has happened to me here at Lees-McRae.  God has used her to teach me so much.

I went to see Titanic again last night with Mason, Ann-Marie, Jessi, and a guy named Teddy.

Exodus 23:20.

I always thought I would be the one bringing Sarah.  But I was wrong.

My Sarah has brought me.

And that is all I need to know.

March 5, 1998 – Thursday – 8:00 p.m.

Exactly two hours and two years ago, I wrote this poem in my journal:

Nature’s first green is gold

Her hardest hue to hold

Her early leafs a flower

But only so an hour

Then leaf subsides to leaf

So Eden sank to grief

So dawn goes down today

Nothing gold can stay

After two years, that poem still remains true.  Both sad and hopeful.

I am reading A Sacred Flame, the book about Edgar Tufts and the history of Lees-McRae College.  It is a huge story, the story of this land, and God has allowed me to write a couple of paragraphs.

I’ve grown closer to Mason through directing him in Next.  It opens in two days.  I’ve learned so much directing this piece.  I feel so at home and so complete when I’m directing.

Sarah’s been a bit down.  It’s mainly due to her broken ankle, but some things have happened with her friends that have made her sad, but she isn’t telling me the details.  I’ve been waiting on her and helping her while her foot is out of service.

It’s been two years since I left to visit Arizona.  That means Brandon’s kid is almost two years old.

I received a wedding invitation the mail today, it was from Jeni.  She is marrying David.  I guess this means he isn’t gay anymore.

Who was I before Lees-McRae?

Shortly after I arrived, there was a special girl named Jeni, whom I said hello to.

And now there’s a special girl named Sarah, whom I’ll say goodbye to.

March 4, 1998 – Wednesday – 3:00 p.m.

It has been an amazing day.  Nothing has happened, but everything has happened.

Snow is on the ground again.  My one-act is coming together wonderfully.  Sarah is beautiful.  I’m researching my Omega paper on Titanic.  Life is flying by, but I’m enjoying it.  My friends are amazing and I’m spending time with my Lord every morning.  Each thing and each person around me become more beautiful by the hour.

God is blessing me.

I don’t deserve it, but he is blessing me.  I give you all the credit God!

We are already into the third month of the year.  So many little wonderful smiles are occurring between myself and the people I know and love.  I know all of this will change, but what is occurring now will last forever in these pages and in my heart.

“Love is an ever-fixed mark that looks upon tempests and is not moved.”

March 2, 1998 – Monday – 2:40 p.m.

March has begun!

The last day of February was spent in Rock Hill, South Carolina and I had a fantastic time.  I got so much closer to God this weekend.  He is doing an amazing work in me.

We got back early Sunday morning.  Church was great and the cafeteria food even tasted better.  Sarah returned from her trip to Charlotte with the Highlanders that night.  She has a cast on right foot.  She broke her ankle on Thursday playing frisbee.  Poor girl.  But she is still smiling.

Last night, after my Next rehearsal, I spent nearly two hours talking with Mason Davis.  He is a great guy.  So many people can’t figure him out, but he told me so much about himself and how he thinks and see the world last night.  We really bonded.

After talking with him, I went went to see Sarah before visitation hours ended.  I told her about the weekend and how Lindy wanted to be baptized and asked Abigail and I to do it.  We did, everyone cheered, it was the best!  Sarah and I just snuggled and talked, it was so nice to be close to her again and to hold her.  She whispered sweet words of love in my ear.  Other people came in and out of her room and we just had so much fun.  She was eating some noodles and we even recreated the pasta scene from Lady and the Tramp.  Funny!

What an awesome girl I have.  What an awesome God there is.  And it’s only going to get better from here.