January 9, 1998 – Friday – 4:30 p.m.

Mom brought me back up to school on Thursday.

Wednesday night I called Sarah.  She was very mean to me, but she said she was kidding. Recently she just hasn’t been the Sarah I once knew.

I bought a rose for her and put it in her room today.  I’ve given our relationship to God.  I don’t know what happened, but I hope we get a chance to really talk soon.

I have a wonderful world up here.  Dan and his brother are here now.  The other come soon.  A great change is happening inside me.  My spirit and flesh war every day.  I try to keep the relationships around me growing and, at the same time, pursue an education and a career.

Overall though and more than anything, I just want to love and serve God.  I want to live this life to its fullest in God’s perfect plan and I do not want to sin.

Only four months are left.

Four.

Two of those four will be given to One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest and Next.  On stage anyway, I’ll end my Lees-McRae career with a death scene, a suicide to be exact.  Weird.

Man.

I do miss Sarah.

I miss touching her.

I just miss her.

And I miss Titanic.  I haven’t stopped listening to the soundtrack since I got it.  Hmmm.  You spend 3 1/2 hours in a theater, yet you feel as though you have lived a lifetime.  I pray I can do that for people.

But as for now I am alive, just like any person who ends up reading this.

And I always will be alive.

Forever.

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