December 23, 1997 – Tuesday – 2:00 p.m.

I just wrote a letter to Sarah.  I took a passage from Hinds’ Feet on High Places, a book she let me borrow, and put it in her letter.  It reads:

I must tell you a great truth, Much-Afraid, which only few understand. All the fairest beauties in the human soul, its greatest victories, and its most splendid achievements are always those which no one else knows anything about, or can only dimly guess at.  Every inner response of the human heart to love and every conquest over self-love is a new flower on the tree of love.

Many a quiet, ordinary, and hidden life, unknown to the world, is a veritable garden in which love’s flowers and fruits have come to such perfection that it is a place of delight where the King of Love himself walks and rejoices with his friends. Some of my servants have indeed won great visible victories and are rightly loved and reverenced by other men, but always their greatest victories are like the wild flowers, those which no one knows about.

And that has happened.  A great victory has occurred inside me, for I love Sarah, a girl so unlike me, a girl so similar to me.  I haven’t tried to change her, though there is much I wish I could.  I know I’ve said I’ve loved in the past, but with Veronica, I was too young to know, with Jeni, it quickly turned to lust, and with Emily, I fear I was in love with the idea of a long lost pen pal.

But now with Sarah, I love her and I will forever, for true love never dies.

I saw her yesterday.  We went see a movie, but this wasn’t just any movie, for it is now our movie.  Throughout it’s running time, we held each other so tightly.  We held hands, arms, legs.  My years at college are sinking into the ocean of time and I’m just holding onto the ones I love as tightly as a can.

Jack saved Rose’s life, in every way possible.  He brought her to the rest of her life beyond that maiden voyage.  I keep dwelling on Exodus 23:20, but I can’t figure out who is bringing who.  Our world is splitting in two.  The iceberg has stuck.  It’s only a matter of time.

Is she bringing me?

Or am I bringing her?

Or maybe we are bringing each other.

Love can touch us once and last for a lifetime.  Love is what brings us.  She has brought me, and I love her now and forever for that.

Jack lived a short life so Rose could live a long one.

I bought the soundtrack today.  In it, James Cameron wrote about James Horner: “And most importantly, he has made us one with Jack and Rose, feeling the beat of their hearts as they experience the kind of love we all dream about, but seldom find.”

I have, if only for a short while, found it.


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