Yesterday morning’s church service was awesome, then I sang at Juries that afternoon. The RA Christmas party was that evening and after that we went to more juries. Sarah was in four of them. But despite all of yesterday’s business, Sarah and Jessi and I found the time to watch It’s Only a Paper Moon.
And last night, after the midnight breakfast exam break, and after I made my Christmas tree lights blink, and after Dan and I played Tetris 2, and after Vince and Alex wrestled in my room, I called my Sarah. We talked for a while; we talked about us.
I told her that I pray to God about us and ask him what this is. And every answer he ever gives me is through Sarah. She said once that loving me was not part of the plan. And I told her that God tells me to simply let our relationship be what it is and to not worry about anything else.
We both know I’m leaving and comfort is found in that. I doubt I’ll spend the rest of my life with Sarah, but thanks to God, I’m pretty sure I’ll spend a lot of the next five months with her.
Perhaps I have lived life too carefully. Perhaps I’ve guarded my heart too much. Sarah is too amazing of a girl to simply pass up. I do not want to be an old man, and right before I die, realize that I have not lived.
How frail we are.
So Sarah is my girl. I love her. I love her as much as my time will allow me. We’ve only been close for three weeks, and, as we all know, love takes time.
Perhaps we should have left everything alone in that perfect first Eternal Instant on November 22nd, but why have one Eternal Instant when you can have hundreds.
I’m so young.
And Sarah is eighteen.
I just read back on my freshman year recently, and I didn’t know anything back then, but through Jeni and many others, I learned.
I first wrote Sarah’s name down in these Books of Days on June 14, 1997. I had no idea then that I would repeat that name on these pages, in my heart, and on my lips for the rest of my life. But it’s clear to me that she has arrived into my life and her influence will fade away.