I went to our Team Meetings last night. I saw Sarah there. We were in The Pinnacle Room since it was the Department’s Christmas Party. After a while of talking with other people and eyeing Sarah out of the corner of my eye all night, I finally went up to her. She hugged me and I asked her if she wanted to go for a walk later on. She said yes.
It was a cold and windy night, but the near full moon, diffused through the clouds, lit the world for us. Bundled up, we walked to Banner Elk Park. We had fun. There was a lot of laughter and a lot of playing. We were on the playground and she mentioned how everyone in the Performing Arts Department thinks we are going out.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
That made me feel like the idea of us together was a bad idea to her.
“I guess we need to talk about that?” I asked.
“Yeah.”
I went on to tell her how confused I was since I was leaving in five months. She said she understood. I asked her to help me in my confusion, but she said she couldn’t.
Wonderful Eternal Instances passed by as we continued to play, but we also found time to be still as we viewed the sky and moon above our small silent souls.
We ended up in a tiny cubbyhole only big enough for the two of us. And there with her I could be myself. My soul can go free when I’m with Sarah.
A second passed where I wanted to kiss her, but I felt what we had was going to fade into a lasting friendship and not a romantic one, so I wasn’t too sure if I should kiss her.
She noticed by confusion and asked what was wrong.
I told her.
“Why aren’t you sure if you should kiss me?”
I couldn’t answer. I was speechless. I wanted her so badly that I froze.
Forever passed.
“Well here’s my face,” she said.
. . .
Her face is so soft and her lips are so amazing. I’m not sure how long we kissed, but she had a rehearsal to go to, so we had to walk back to campus.
I returned to my room and three hours went by. All of that time was spent talking with friends. Ann-Marie was there, as well as some of the guys. Ann-Marie stayed until 12:30 a.m. and we talked about the weird and wonderful way we think.
After she left I stripped down to my underwear and jumped in my bed. Before I even thought about turning off my light, I called Sarah.
Jaminda and Sherlive were there in her room with her. She said the three of them were having girl talk. An hour of conversation passed by and during that time Sarah asked me to write down Exodus 23:20. I could hear Jaminda and Sherlive in the background and they were telling metaphorical stories that made me think Sarah actually wanted our relationship to grow, despite the fact that I would be graduating soon.
I couldn’t handle it anymore. Finally I said, “Sarah, I’m crazy about you. I know I’m not here for very long, but I want you.”
A weird sound came from her voice.
“Why didn’t you tell me this on our walk?”
“I don’t know, I lose my mind when I’m with you.”
“Well…”
“Oh no! I’m freaking you out aren’t I?”
“No, no, no, I’m just really surprised you feel this way.”
“You are?”
“Yeah!!!”
“Well, how do you feel?”
“Well…” she began.
I listened. And she spoke a series of words that I will never forget.
“I love you Jacob. And I don’t mean “love” like I love all my friends. I mean I love you. I love you.”
I’ve never been shot, but it can’t feel much different.
And I love her too. I told her. I jumped out of bed and bundled up again. We met halfway between our dorms super early on this Thursday morning. We hugged and kissed at the intersection of the college store and said a prayer before we said goodnight.
When I got back to my bed, I looked up the verse Sarah gave me, “See, I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared.”
20yearsagoblog 