November 2, 1997 – Sunday – 1:40 p.m.

I’m sure this will continue for six more months.  I’m so scared.  I’m so scared to be affectionate.  I’m not sure how she’ll take it.  I had her listen to a song, Jars of Clay’s Hymn, and she broke down in tears.  I didn’t reach up to touch her, to comfort her, even though I so desperately wanted to.  I have to restrain myself around her, keep myself together.

I fear history is repeating itself.

Oh God, you have to do whatever it is you need me to do.  I’m not sure of anything but you God.  I don’t have much time here.  I don’t know what she needs me to be for her.  Or even what she wants me to be.

All I know is that you loved her very much.

And I can see why.

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