October 24, 1997 – Friday – 3:10 p.m.

God is so good to me and I don’t know why.  I am a finalist in the North Carolina Theater Conference, so I have to go to Asheville on November 7th.  But other things are going nicely as well.  She smiles at me more.  We talk about little things.  I’ve stopped trying to keep myself from dreaming about her.  I just let my mind wander.

Little things happen and though I’m sure half of it is just my imagination, God has given me a peace.

Today, Doc had me talk to a guy named Marty over the phone.  He graduated from Regent University with a film degree.  He said that a person can easily go very far, very fast in the film industry, but only if they are single.  Doc told me the same thing.  There are some who accomplish it with a family, but they are rare.

Rare.

I’ve been described that way before.

“Masks” is coming along beautifully.  Doc came and watched it last night.  She was amazed at how I directed and how people listened to and respected me.  She said that my art was good.

God is taking such good care of me.  I don’t deserve his love, yet he gives it so freely.

You know, I think I’ve forgotten how to be a boyfriend.  I haven’t been someone’s boyfriend for so long.  If something were to happen, if someone were to come along, I don’t think I’d know what to do.

Oh God, I give everything to you.  My desire to marry and have family, my desire to work in film and theater, these two things that the wise say can never work together, I give them to you.  Show me the way.  Teach me how to love and care.  I wait upon you.

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