October 21, 1997 – Tuesday – 11:10 p.m.

I try not to, but I am helpless.  I still think of her.  Some girls I flirt with in small innocent ways, but I hardly think of them.  Yet, she still entrances me.

She.

Her.

That will be her name.

A Wednesday is nearly beginning.  Leaves are constantly falling these days.  Snow will come very soon.

I know I probably don’t write as much as I did when I was a couple of years younger, but I do want so desperately to share my life with someone.  Sometimes I take a chance and look at her and I find that she’s looking at me.  Sometimes there is excitement in her voice when she talks to me.  Those moments are so awesome.  But there’s no security and commitment in them.

Maybe that’s what makes them so enthralling.  I long to know everything she thinks and feels.  I know that day will never come, but wishing for it sure has been fun.

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