April 5, 1997 – Saturday – 6:40 p.m.

It’s April 5th already.  Vince has been at the beach all week with Laura and her family.  Josh and Timothy are in Charlotte on a costuming field trip.  And I am not on duty.  It’s been a pleasant day.  My windows are wide open and the spring wind is blowing in.

Last night I hiked with Jessica and Todd for six miles to see a beautiful view of Boone.  It grew dark and cold, but Jessica and I had so much fun just talking and laughing.  She is so cool to be around.

Jeni, Tracey, Ann-Marie, and Abigail don’t talk or spend as much time with me as they used to.  I don’t know what it is.  I try to talk, I don’t believe I’ve done anything.  They just don’t respond like they used to.  It’s like there is a fog in their eyes when they are with me, like they’d rather be somewhere else.

Why do we hurt each other?  What is so hard about waltzing in the flowers?  Or even the grass?

We are the earth’s flowers, yet we choke each other at the roots.

I am a dandelion, waiting for God to blow my spirit away.

I don’t think I belong here.  It’s hard to grow in this pavement.  Loving eyes quickly turn to daggers of hatred.

People are changing.  I only long to grow in Jesus.  Am I still the same?  I think I am.

I would rather grow alone in an open field with my God, than to try to grow with others in their pavement.  But I still long for them to water my soul.  And I want to care for them as well.

When will we be free God?


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