November 9, 1996 – Saturday – 11:15 a.m.

It is still snowing.  It is beautiful.  The movie was amazing last night.  I didn’t like the beginning, but after the two saw each other through the fish tank it slowed down a bit and was great!  Ann-Marie seems to be such a lonely girl, but she won’t open up to me.  She just doesn’t see me.

I called my mom this morning.  She and Henry have been married for 14 years now.  I told her it was snowing.  She was amazed.

It feels good to look outside see everything covered in white.  My windows are open.  My room is so cool and fresh.

I am reminded of last year.  I was crazy about Laura.  We were trying to get Vince and Melissa together.  Kate had just gotten baptized.  And on the 11th of November, it began to snow.

Oh Father, I long so much for a pure heart.  A heart as pure as the snow.

November 8, 1996 – Friday – 6:00 p.m.

Snow is falling now.  The first of the season.  Tonight I am going to the movies with Abigail, Ann-Marie, Ray, and Jeni.  We are going to see Romeo + Juliet.  I haven’t been to the movies in a while.  I am excited.

I wish someone would look at me and offer me a special smile; a smile so innocent that we both instantly feel the chills down our spine.  I want to share love with someone.  But for now, I’m simply seen as that great Christian friend, but nothing more.

Even if no one stands by my side, I will press forward.  I’m surrounded by simple brief moments of peace and joy, and that is all I want.  I fear they come more often than I am able to realize.

Life is passing by me.  I sure do hope I’m noticing it.  I guess that is why I’m writing in this Book of Days.  It is only for me.  I doubt anyone will ever read these words.  But it helps me remember what is really important.

Heaven is real.

And sometimes I feel like it is already here.

November 7, 1996 – Thursday – 2:15 p.m.

It’s raining outside.  It’s beautiful.

I’m listening to Christmas music.

Laura’s birthday was yesterday.  They had a party for her last night. I wasn’t able to go.  She is seventeen.  Vince talks to me about the two of them.  They might actually make it.  He adores her.  I’m so glad they are together.

For the past two evenings I have been at tech rehearsal for the upcoming dance concert.  I’m the Assistant Stage Manager.

Last night Josh sang in the performance seminar.  I’ve told you about Josh I’m sure.  He’s the 18-year-old who looks 12.  The song he sang was adorable.  He is so precious.  He’s only five feet tall.  He looks up to me as a role model and he tells me as much.  He’s a good friend.

Alex is in my playwriting class.  All of the short plays he has written so far haven’t been very good, but his one-act is turning out to be amazing.  He’s really just meeting with Doc and she’s writing down everything he says, but it’s brilliant; better than anything I could write.

It’s so crazy to realize the semester is marching to an end.

A couple of nights ago at Sharon’s Bible study, there was a moment when Abigail, Ann-Marie, Tracey, Ellen, Jeni, and I went outside and into the tree house on their property.  It was really cold, so we all bundled together for body heat.  Everyone’s arms were around each other.  Abigail’s soul wasn’t hurting, but the cold hurt her body.  I was close to her, holding her; her head in my chest.  What I prayed on the 29th of the past month has come true.

Thank you God.

November 5, 1996 – Tuesday – 12:15 a.m.

Sunday night I went to visit Ann-Marie, Jeni, and Tracey in their room.  We talked until one in the morning.  They told me all about their recent “girl talk.”  Ann-Marie liked Curtis for a long time, but never said anything.  However, all three of those girls now think Curtis is a big jerk, and they no longer like him now that they know him.

Jeni told me later she doesn’t understand those girls; Abigail, Ann-Marie, and Tracey all say I am the nicest guy, yet I am still alone.

I told Ann-Marie that I really liked her at the beginning of the semester.  She blushed and said, “Really?  I’m sorry…”

We all laughed about it.

They told me that Abigail has returned and that K.C. kissed her over the weekend.  They are a couple now.  I was so happy to hear that.  I prayed for both of them.

Auditions were tonight for Children of A Lesser God.  Auditions were taped and sent to the director in New York.  His name is Mark and he’s a guest director coming down just to direct this show.  It would be crazy if I got the lead!

We had Bible Study tonight at Sharon’s.  Abigail, Tracey, Ann-Marie, Jeni, Dan, Allen, Curtis, Vince, Ellen, Josh, and I all went; Abigail had never been to their house before.  She seemed to have a good time.  We talked a lot; she is such a sweet girl.  I enjoy being her friend so much.  Thank you for her Lord.  She is like another Ryan or Christi in my life; and that’s what I wanted.

I don’t know how to thank you God.  You are so good to me.  You’re doing everything.  You are taking care of it all.  It feels like I don’t really have to do anything.  You are the one producing a good work in me.  I just love you so much.  I give you all the glory, honor, and praise!!

November 3, 1996 – Sunday – 9:45 p.m.

Wow!

Yesterday after lunch I watched Immortal Beloved by myself.  Insanely good movie. Curtis and I talked.  He’s discovered a new girl, someone from Boone.  At dinner, Ann-Marie, Tracey, Jeni, and Jessica decided they were going to see Romeo + Juliet that night.  I was on duty so I couldn’t go.  However they then decided it was too cold to go out, so they just came over here and we all watched While You Were Sleeping instead.  Jessica and I sat next to each other on the bed.  She laughed so many times.  She is simply adorable.

Jeni, Tracey, Ann-Marie, and Jessica stayed in my room until one in the morning.  We watched The Little Mermaid as well.

This morning I went to Sunday School at Heaton.  Dawn came along with Derek.  I left afterwards to go to Banner Elk Christian Fellowship.  I went with Jeni, Ann-Marie, Jessica, and Todd.  I sat next to Jessi and the service was amazing.  It seemed to touch her; I could hear and feel her tears.

I found out later in the day that Dawn rededicated her life to the Lord this morning.  This is the same Dawn that I met at The Farm House.

This evening I auditioned for Children of A Lesser God.  We have callbacks tomorrow evening.  Everyone tells me that I’ll get the lead role of James.  The role requires learning sign language.  It’s very challenging.  God help me.

A smile is on my face.

I have beautiful friends.

And a beautiful God.

I am content.

I am pleased.

God has handed me a beautiful life and I hand it all back to him.

November 2, 1996 – Saturday – 10:10 a.m.

Vince, Curtis, and I went to Boone yesterday.  Curtis’ car messed up, so we spent about an hour at Don Smith Honda.  I found out Marsi works there; she graduated from LMC.  She made me some hot chocolate while we waited.

Jessica came over last night at 8 o’clock.  I knew she liked animals, so I spread my Tiger blanket my parents got when we lived in West Germany across my bed.  She really liked the movie.  My dad called while we were watching it.

Oh wait, I forgot to tell you that I called Tenielle before Jessica came over.  She told me that her mom let Jenna’s boyfriend stay at their house and a big fight began between them somehow.  Pastor Steve came over to try and settle things.  A week or so ago Tenielle went through another deliverance session at church.  Everybody was up there praying for her.  Everyone except John.

Thank you Lord for sending me away from that world.

Anyway, the movie ended and Jessica and I talked for a while, then I walked her back.  I called my dad back and he seems okay.  While talking to my dad, Jeni called me and asked me if she and Ann-Marie could come over.

“Sure.”

So, I got off the phone with my dad.  Jeni was dressed as Wonder Woman, she had been at a costume party in the student center, but Ann-Marie was just dressed as herself.  They hung out in my room from 10:00 p.m. to 1:00 a.m.  A lot of things were said; it’s so great that Jeni and I are such good friends again.  Ann-Marie was simply beautiful.

Abigail went home for the weekend.  She has a very close friend named K.C.  Ann-Marie and Jeni were talking about him.  I met him before, he is a very strong Christian.  Abigail is crazy about him; I can tell by the way she talks about him.  I’m happy for her.  Abigail said, “I just want to hug him.”

I wonder if someone in the world talks about me like that.

November 1, 1996 – Friday – 8:15 a.m.

Last night was so awesome.  The band was great.  Jessica rode with Dan, Allen, Curtis, and myself.  Abigail skipped class and came with Josh, Tracey, Jeni, and Ann-Marie.  I hurt my neck trying to pick Josh up on my shoulders.  I stood next to Jessica most of the night.  She is really into nature and likes all kinds of animals, so I invited her over to my room tonight to watch Never Cry Wolf with me.  She said she would come.

Jessica is only about five feet tall.  I’m 6’2″.  But she’s adorable.  She dresses beautifully.  She has this long thick curly black hair and the cutest little laugh, she almost looks like her stomach is aching.

The spiritual side of Abigail stabs holes in my soul.  It amazes me.  But, our relationship can’t get any better than that glance from yesterday.

Jessica, Abigail, Shawna, Ann-Marie.

Four Freshman girls that I am adding to my collection.  They are becoming a small part of me.