October 15, 1996 – Tuesday – 3:50 p.m.

The trees are beautiful.

The sky is clear.

Ann-Marie let me borrow the novel of Braveheart.  I have begun to read it.  I’ve been thinking of her more and more each day.  I don’t know what it is about Ann-Marie.  At first, she doesn’t seem pretty, but then she looks at you, and her eyes are so clear.  Her smile seems awkward at first, but then it quickly turns erotic.  Her cheeks seem puffy, but then I find myself longing to touch them.  I’m not sure how I feel.  But she seems strong in her faith and I just ask that you continue to bless her Lord.

I just talked to my mother.  She is going through a rough time.  Kevin has gone nuts.  He won’t do anything she asks.  He totaled his car.  He runs up the phone bill.  He didn’t mow the grass when mom asked him to, so mom has kicked him out of the house.  He’s sponging off of people at school now.  I’m not even sure if he’s properly enrolled, I think the school kicked him out as well.  And mom told me that before he left, he hit her on the back.

I understand absolutely none of this.  What is his problem?  While we were at Sharon’s when he was up here visiting, he slapped me in the ear when I didn’t hear him ask me a question.  It was really embarrassing.

Oh God, why do I do so well, and my brother just falls apart?

I’m nothing special.

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