December 4, 1995 – Monday – 8:30 p.m.

I borrowed a movie called Rich in Love from Amy.  It was wonderful.  It was about family life.  Most of the movie took place during the summer.

I miss the summer.

We had rehearsal last night at church.  It went well.  Leslie bought me a Woody doll.  You know, that guy from Toy Story.  It’s the coolest.

Sharon talked to me last night and told me that Melissa, her oldest daughter, likes Vince.  I told Vince and that was good news to him.  I don’t know what he is going to do about it though.

Crystal called me while I was watching Rich in Love.  She called just to talk. It was kind of weird.

Something has happened to me.  It’s hard to explain.  I want so bad to like someone.  To think about someone all the time.  To lose sleep over someone.  But it’s not happening.  Even when girls call me just to talk, it’s not happening.  I try, but I fail.  I can’t even like Laura any more than a friend.

What has happened?

Who has done this to me?

I feel as if someone has taken that hunger out of me.

Someone has messed with it and broken it without realizing it.

Who?

Why can’t I look at someone and be struck to the bone in a moment of breathless delight?

My closest guess of who to blame is Emily.

The angel that I saw with my heart and not my eyes.

But I can’t blame her.  This is all inside me.  I’ll figure it out.  I’ll see what happens.  Perhaps the right girl will come along.

I don’t know.

Do I even care?

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