I’m in Lanexa, Virginia. My ride here was very difficult spiritually. The guys were listening to an Adam Sandler CD. It was very sick.
Yesterday I got a letter from my mom in the mail. She had put a brochure from Taylor University in there and there was a picture of Jason on it. I was so happy and excited! He was surrounded by so many different people. He looked so happy!
When I arrived here I looked in the area’s newspaper and discovered that The Phantom of the Opera was playing in Norfolk starting tomorrow. I called up the ticket place and reserved a ticket for myself on the front row of the orchestra for Friday night.
It cost me $71.50. I put it on my credit card. I must be crazy, I really don’t have the money, but I felt like doing something crazy.
I’m going alone.
Alone.
Which is exactly how I feel.
I rented While You Were Sleeping today. It made me cry. Tears ran down my face. They were warm.
I remember how Jenna and Tenielle always used to ask me when the last time I cried was. I thought of that the other day and then realized I couldn’t remember the last time I cried.
Now I know.
Like Lucy, I too feel alone. I don’t have anybody. I thought of Laura. I thought of her eyes and her smile. I thought of the words “I love you” and how I wish I could say them to someone and truly mean it.
I’ve often wondered if I ever really loved Veronica, Jeni, Emily or anybody. In my Book of Days it says that I did, but in my mind, my memory, my heart, it seems like I can’t ever remember if I did.
While You Were Sleeping was such a good movie. So, I’m just going to pretend that my life is a movie that someone is watching. I’m the star. I’m playing the role of Jacob.
I wonder if my story will ever make someone cry.
It’s already made me cry.
20yearsagoblog 