September 8, 1995 – Friday – 12:35 a.m.

After rehearsal tonight, I went over to Syndi’s.  She wanted to move her room around some.  I helped her.  I even called Jenna and Tenielle while over there.  They are well.

Syndi and I played on her bed and talked for about an hour.  For a few minutes, she held my hand.  In the midst of everything, she asked me why I said I trusted her.  She was referring to this past Sunday night as we sat in the car at the park near Deep Creek, when I said I trusted her.  Tonight she asked why.

I said, “Because I do, don’t you trust me?”

And she shook her head “no.”  She said, “I’ve built up a wall Jacob.  I can’t.”  Yet she trusts Eric, a drug-addict, and not me, a Christian.  I didn’t understand, but I realized that she simply does not know.

She doesn’t see me.  She doesn’t need me.  She holds my hand, but she doesn’t notice I am there.

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