July 9, 1995 – Sunday – 4:20 p.m.

I wondered today if I would have been a different person if I never went to Banner Elk.

You know, although it may sound stupid, I’ve gotten use to this place again.  It’s hard to believe I ever grew up here.  There is a chance that I may get to see Veronica and the rest of her family on the 17th of this month.  They will be in Sanford and are staying with Tim.  They’ll be at church on the 16th, but I’ll be on the road then, on my way back from Fishnet.  They are leaving on the 18th, so it will be close, but I pray it happens.

Veronica is a person I want to see again, but Jeni is a person I do not want to see again.  I hope she doesn’t come back to school.  I know that may sound terrible, but I guess I’m just being selfish and trying to save myself the trouble.  She seems like a stranger now, like a bad dream.

Syndi called me yesterday.  She said she made a decision and wanted me to know what it was: she is going to come back to Lees-McRae in August.  So, I will see her again.  That great news reminded me of our night under the waterfall.  How pure it was.  How it helped me forgive myself.

I remember those three falling stars I saw on that night.

I remember her breath on my ear.

I remember how quiet everything was.

And I remember that waterfall.

How huge it was.

How enormous and powerful.

I painted with the colors of the wind on that night.

For that expanse of time, everything that I had ever known or seen in my lifetime made perfect sense.

Yet now, I haven’t a clue.

What will I learn at Fishnet ’95?

What will seeing Emily in Crestview do to me?

Will a new freshman girl at Lees-McRae catch my eye?

Will Michelle and I grow closer together?

Will I become a leader of a skit group at Heaton Christian Church?

Will my teachings at FCA help someone?

Will people hate me because I’m an honest RA?

Will I come back to Siler City and McDonald’s for next summer?

What will happen my junior year?

My senior year?

Film School?

I do not know the answer to these questions.  They are for me to discover.  My adventure is just beginning.  And if all of the answers to the above questions are tragic, I’ll still write.  If I never become a king, I’ll still write.

And if I go through this life, and never ever really love a woman…

…I will still write.


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