July 4, 1995 – Tuesday – 8:35 a.m.

This day has come again.

I am going to Riverbirch Shopping Plaza in Sanford today to help out at our Church’s hotdog stand.  I’m sure Jenna and Tenielle will show up sometime.  Perhaps I’ll see the beautiful fireworks with Jenna again.

Last night, I went with Henry to the “Total Man Forum” meeting.  It is a church men’s group.  I had a great time.  We just fellowshipped and talked.

Well it is time to put my shoes on and let this day begin.

It is now 11:15 p.m.

This day is over.

I arrived at Riverbirch close to 10:00 a.m.  Pastor Steve, Tim and I set things up.  Another guy named Alex came up from church and it was just basically the two of us running the show while Pastor Steve cooked the hot dogs.  I did that for 10 hours.  It was rough.  I got super tired.

Across the sidewalk, there was a woman running a little table.  She had the body and face of Michelle from Lees-McRae.  It drove me crazy.  I miss Michelle so much right now.

Why?

Jenna and Tenielle were there.  I didn’t see them much though.  I saw Sam.  He said hi.  Today he looked like a short punk little kid.  But over the phone he seemed like so much more.

I also saw Mandy and Dana.  The two girls Jonathan and I went to Myrtle Beach with.  Jonathan is supposedly at Myrtle Beach right now.  He’s been cheating on Mandy with a girl named Misty from Asheboro.  Why does he do that?

Tim took my place after the sunset.  I went to the restroom in JCPenny and little Christina and Aaron wanted to walk around with me.  They are two little kids from church.  So I let them.  I bought them some candy and we watched the fireworks together.  Jenna was no where to be found.  I took some pictures.  I was sad.  I came home.

Last yea, I walked around jokingly with a beautiful girl.

This year, I worked my butt off in the heat selling hot dogs to strangers.  For no pay!

What has happened to me?

What has changed?

What is important?

Am I a man?

Or still a little boy?

Am I a man of God?

Is there a woman of God who is looking for someone like me?

I am 18-years-old.

I’ll be 19 next month.

I have hardly begun to live.

Yet, I feel as if I have survived through so many lifetimes already.

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