March 17, 1995 – Friday – 8:45 p.m.

I worked from noon to 8:00 p.m. today.  I had an okay time.

I called Tenielle once I got home.  I told her I couldn’t come tonight, but I will come visit after I get off work tomorrow at 2:00 p.m.

I have gone by Christi’s house twice, but I only talked to Matt the first time.  I haven’t talked to or seen Christi since I have been here.  I will try to do that tomorrow.  I hope she will be glad to see me.

You know I feel more strongly for Jenna and Tenielle than I ever remember feeling for Jeni.  I have known them longer and they are much younger, but I don’t love them in a romantic way, I love them the only way I know how.

Besides, what I felt for Jeni was probably lust since she practically gave her body to me and I began to see that instead of her soul and her spirit.  Forgive me Lord and thank you for keeping our physical relationship from going any further than it did.

I believe that the Lord showed me through Veronica how to treat Jenna and Tenielle.  And I believe that the Lord showed me through Jeni that one learns to love another person, not through kissing, but through talking.

I am wondering if there is such a thing as “romantic love.”  I am pretty sure that any story or relationship on this earth is not going to be perfect.  Perhaps the only thing that exists is true love.

True love never dies.

It never fails.

What I felt for Veronica and Jeni has died; I still care about them, but that is all.

So, there it is.  I thank God for what I’ve learned and I move on.

I wrote Emily back on Monday.  I told her some simple things.  Then, at the end of the letter, I reminded her of the perfect and pure prince she was waiting for.  Then I wrote this:

Emily, to be truthful, after I read that I looked up to heaven and said, “Dear God, please, let it be me.”  But either way, I couldn’t imagine myself loving you anymore than I do right now.

There is so much about Emily I do not know.  And part of me doesn’t want to find out, for everything I currently know about her is perfect.  She was so beautiful on that summer night in the mountains two years ago.  I know she has faults since she is human, but I would rather not discover them.  Outside of my Jesus, this may be the only perfect relationship that I will ever know.

But if this relationship is going to stay perfect, then that means I will never see Emily again.

And I want to so desperately; for my eyes to feast on her beauty and for my ears to hear her voice.

Veronica, Ryan, Christi, Jenna, Tenielle, Jeni, and Emily…I will love them all in different ways.  Some have faded away and others may.  I’m sure other girls will come along and I will love them differently and they too may fade.

But which ever one I love with a true love will never die and last until the end.

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