March 7, 1995 – Tuesday – 11:02 a.m.

Some things have happened.

Good things.

Emily and I still write to each other.  She is the beautiful girl from Florida I met in June of 1993 at Deep Creek.  Months would go by and we wouldn’t write, but during the past month or so I have received a letter from her every week; beautiful pink and scented envelopes.  I even got a letter from her yesterday.

And it is the most beautiful thing I have seen in a long time.  I will write it in here:


Hey!  I’m sorry to hear about you and your girlfriend, but if she tried to make you look bad, then she is a fool and you don’t need her.  That may sound awful, but you deserve better.  No one should have to put up with that!  I trust you are doing the right thing.  Don’t be her puppy, okay!

My life has been really good.  I quit basketball and softball, and now I’m doing track.  It’s alright, I’m just really out of shape!  It’s hard at the beginning, but I guess it’s worth more that way.  I love to accomplish goals.  There’s a certain dignity to it; not pride, dignity.  There is a difference.

Your acting and directing career sounds really exciting!  You have to let me star in one of your movies!  Ha Ha!  (I can be an extra!)  That’s a really nice decision for a career.  I wish you the best.

I really look forward to your letters.  I believe we have built an enormous friendship.  I feel like I’ve known you forever!  You are a unique and caring person.  Thank you so much for taking the time to care about how I feel.  So little people can even begin to understand my head.  I am a very bottomless person.  Tell me anything and I will take it for what is means to me, in my life, in my experience.  I don’t believe in analyzing everything to death.

‘Cause I am not supposed to see.

‘Cause the blind are never free.

Even in my own head I think I could hide.  Even though the sun has kissed me and embraced me I will never know the warmth of its glow, but I still have a chance to grow.  This I know, someday I’ll find…

A rose without a thorn

A lover without scorn

So that’s why I keep on looking.  Even though my head may roam my heart will always stay home.  Yet I find it searching, or better waiting.  Waiting for the perfect and pure prince to make it whole.  The King of my heart is steadfast and immovable, but who is worthy enough to be called his son?  No one I fear.  Not even I am worthy to make his chambers inside the pits of my soul.

Jacob, I am searching.

What am I looking for?

What will I find?

Thank you for all the prayers!

I need you.

I love you.

You are very special.

Love, Emily

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