February 6, 1995 – Monday – 12:45 p.m.

I’m in work-study.  Some stuff has happened.

Jeni and I almost broke up again, but I was afraid that if we did she would immediately drop out of school and return home.  That’s not what she needs to do right now, so I told her that I would give us a second chance.

Jeni has taken me for granted.

She thought I would be around forever, but I’m not going to stay where I’m not happy.  It doesn’t matter how much she’s expressed to be my wife, she still has no right to complain to me for not waiting in my room for her to call.  I’m 18-years-old.  I’m in college.  I have friends!  I didn’t get in this relationship to hand my free will over to someone else.

She still knows nothing of how I see Christi.

Things are a little better, but I’m not going to lie to her or myself.  If I’m not happy then we will both know.

I told her that I was going to be myself and move on with or without her.  Things are going well for me at church, and I’m co-chaplain at FCA as well.

I talked to Brandon, Marcus, and Kevin yesterday on the phone.  They are all good.  Marcus is himself, at least to me.  And Brandon might come see me for spring break.

Kevin is moving on in his walk with the Lord, as am I.

Only time will tell what will happen.

In my room there are 33 bald eagles; thirty pictures and three sculptures.

I love Jesus and I want to serve him.  I am moving on and nothing is going to hold me back.

If a mother eagle keeps her eaglet in the nest too long, that bird will never learn to fly.

God is my mother eagle.

Silver City and Sanford were my nest.

God has pushed me out.

Here, I am learning to fly.


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