February 1, 1995 – Wednesday – 1:00 p.m.

By the time February is over I will have made a huge decision.

At 12:30 p.m. today, Charlie went to a meeting with Heaton’s new pastor: Jim.  One main subject they were going to talk about was a drama ministry.  Charlie had me in mind.  This is what he said, “I’m pretty sure they want to pay you Jacob, and they will supply money for music, props, costumes, etc.

What Jason did for Abundant Life Christian Center, I might do Heaton Christian Church.

I can feel it.  I want to do this.  I have so many ideas of my own.

But there is one thing that bothers me.

The summer of ’95 in Ohio; that has been what Jeni and I have been looking forward to for so long.  Yet, now I may not even see her.

If I begin a skit group and it goes well for a few months, but then suddenly leave…I can’t do that!  It was done to me when Jason left us to return to college and it almost killed me.

I just checked my voice mail messages.  Jeni left me two.  She was hurt.  At lunch Charlie asked me about the summer and Jeni was sitting right next to me.  I saw the look on her face.

In her message her voice was shaky.  She said that she had to go home to be with her mom.  Jeni’s parents don’t love each other anymore.  Her mom is really hurting deep down inside.  Both her father and mother are good people, but not a good couple.  She needs to be there for Paige too.  I can’t ask her to stay here.

Then she said that she needed me to be there for her.

What am I to do?

I want both, but I want Jeni more.

I can’t do what I want to do though.  Not this time.  I have to be where God wants me to be.

If I did stay, I’m sure that Jeni could come down once a month.

I just don’t know.  It’s impossible to have both, but what I want is both.

I can bring people to the Lord through drama and story.  I can slowly save the world one person at a time.

Could I do that if I went to Cincinnati and worked some random job, just to be there for Jeni?

Jason, please tell me what to do?

What if it doesn’t work out though?  Then everything will be okay and I’ll be in Cincinnati.  But Charlie said there was a pretty good chance that it would work out.

Father God, where do you want me?  There is a wonderful summer just a few months away…what do you want me to accomplish?

Help me Jesus.  Please, help me.

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