January 6, 1995 – Friday – 12:15 p.m.

It’s Friday.  This wonderful week is over.  Basically, I just spent a lot of time with Jeni.  While we are on the missions trip next week we probably won’t get to spend much time with each other.  We’re going to be really busy.

However, something did happen that is a little different.

The other day Jeni and I were in the basement of her house.  I was sitting down on the sofa down there and she came over and straddled her legs around my lap and started kissing me.  Yet, while we were kissing, I realized Jeni was slowly unbuttoning her shirt.  Jeni does not like to wear a bra.  She does every now and then, but she wasn’t this time.  So, I wasn’t quite sure why she was unbuttoning her shirt since we have often talked about how we want to keep ourselves pure until marriage and not get too close physically.  But what really shocked me was when she took hold of my head and placed it on one of her breasts.

So what was I to do?  She obviously wanted me to kiss and hold her there, so I did, but then her whole body just started to tremble and shake…it was all just too amazing.

So I said, “Jeni, what are we doing?”

“I don’t know,” she replied.

I buttoned her shirt back up and we talked.  I told her I didn’t want to hurt her or make her feel uncomfortable.  She said that I didn’t.  I embarrassed her when I said she had really nice breasts and we had a good laugh.

To sum it all up, Jeni is a touchy-feely person and she says she likes it when I touch and feel and hold her body.  She says it is how she experiences my love and affection for her.  She doesn’t mind.  In fact, she is literally asking me to.  I wasn’t sure how to handle this.  She asked me if it was wrong and I said that if we both feel uncomfortable it is wrong.  We know what we can handle and what we can’t handle in our personal physical relationship.

We both agreed that we can’t handle sex, because we simply know it is sin and not love when done outside of marriage.

So there it is.  My girlfriend is a very physical person.  I like that, but at times she is a little too much for me and I am uncomfortable, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell her that.  She has a beautiful body and now I can’t get it out of my mind.

It’s weird.  Growing up, I was always told that the guy was the aggressive one in relationships, and that girls were just desperately trying to keep themselves safe and pure.  Learning this, I made the decision to never be that guy because I wanted to love a woman, not hurt her or violate her.

I guess I never really knew women could experience sexual desires as strongly as men.

Lord, please give me wisdom to keep this relationship pure.

I love you Jeni.

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