I’m in the passenger’s seat of Jeni’s car. We’re headed back to Lees-McRae. It’s raining.
I’ve enjoyed my stay here. It was a good Thanksgiving.
Last night Jeni and I were talking; she was telling me how sometimes she gets impatient when thinking about us. She said she knows she still has to wait four years until she can be my wife. The comment made me feel a little uncomfortable so I asked her if she would ever let me propose to her. She said, “Of course, Jacob, the final decision will be yours.”
Then as we talked some more I told her I was scared. I was scared because although I would like to spend the rest of my life with her, I’m still not sure if it will happen since I am so young. I just wanted to play it safe.
That made her doubt. “I just realized who I am to you Jacob. And who you are,” she said.
“Who are we?”
“You have hardly dated people before. How am I supposed to know that the feelings you have for me are as strong as the feelings I have for you?!”
I immediately turned over (we were lying on my bed in the sewing room) and faced the wall. My heart had been stabbed.
“Don’t cry Jacob.”
I began to cry.
“Just hold me.”
She held me.
“What does that mean, ‘I never dated anybody?'” I asked. “I’ve been hurt many times in my life Jeni. There are many other girls I’ve had affections for.”
“I know Jacob.”
“Jeni, when I said what I said about playing it safe I didn’t mean it to be bad. We’re young. Just let it be love. Let’s be free. All I want is to go through each day and love you. That’s all I ask. That’s all I want. And if this continues and years pass then I would very much like to be your husband. But we have a long time until then. I was praying earlier today. And I asked God if you were the one he had set apart for me. I told Him I was going to take a step of faith and the next phrase that entered into my mind I would believe were His words. But before I could even finish the phrase He told me that I already knew. And the answer was ‘yes.’ And I instantly doubted it, but not because I don’t want to be with you, but because while I know it in my heart, my mind doubts because I have been hurt so many times. I am expecting you to hurt me, but you never do. And sometimes it’s hard to accept the fact that the one thing I want the most, wants me in return.”
“Thank you Jacob. You are so much wiser than me.”
See, Jeni dreams a lot and she knows it. I am a dreamer too, but I don’t tell everyone about it.
She was getting ready to leave and go to bed, but I asked her to stay and hold me a little longer.
She did and I prayed for us. I started to cry. God is so good to me. Jeni held me and tears rolled from my eyes.
I love her.
We are in Kentucky now. It’s raining very hard. Jeni’s dance concert is tomorrow night and Tuesday.
My life continues. It never stops. Jeni and I grow closer every day. Each day is full of simple love.
And we still dream.
My heart has a burden for the world. I want to show the love of Jesus through story and film. Jeni wants to serve.
We dream, but these are not Winter Dreams.
They are hardly summer dreams.
They are our lives.