August 17, 1994 – Wednesday – 10:40 a.m.

Today is my birthday.

At 5:00 p.m. I will be exactly 18-years-old.

A year ago today I wen to the zoo, and to Fayetteville to see Aladdin.

Last night I went walking on the railroad tracks near my house to pray.  I realized that I’ve been trying to do this on my own.  I’ve been trying to live this life by myself.

And it’s not working.

I gave it back to God last night, and I don’t want it anymore.  It’s too much trouble.  All of this acting and film stuff that I’m going into, I must be crazy to think I could do all of that on my own.  I’m yours God.  I don’t want any of this anymore.  Take me and put me in your will.  That is the safest place for me anyway.  Use me up in Banner Elk, Lord.  There’s no way I can survive up there without you.  You’ve kept me safe for 18 years and you’ve put up with me for 18 years.  You must want me for something, so here I am, take me.

Use me to do your will.  I’ve never auditioned for a musical before, but if you want me in a play, then I’ll do whatever you want of me.

I can’t live without you Lord.  This world is too chaotic.  You are the only absolute.  You are all that matters.

Thank you Lord for teaching me all I need to know.  Thank you Lord for sending your Holy Spirit to teach me.

Do with me what you want.  I’m sick of trying to do it my way.

So here I am Lord.

Here I am.

Send me where I am suppose to be.

Send me to Lees-McRae.

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