June 14, 1994 – Tuesday – 4:19 p.m.

I can’t believe this!  MY DAD!!!  NO!!!!

MY DAD DOES NOT DO STUFF LIKE THAT!

NOT MY DAD!!!  This can’t be happening!!!!

Let me calm down and tell you since I probably can’t tell anyone else.

We rented two movies this morning after dad and I went fishing.  My Life and The Man Without a Face.  I watched them both while dad went to work and my grandparents were at a funeral.  I liked both the movies.  After I watched them both I went into my dad’s room just looking for something to do.  I don’t know why, but I picked up his briefcase next to his bed…

Before I go any into any more detail I guess I should say that there is always something I suspected of my dad; several years ago I was looking for some chess pieces in his closet and I found a game for his computer.  It was strip poker.  It was in a box under some towels.  I was a little startled, but thought nothing of it and tried to forget about it.  Ever since then, I thought that maybe my dad was a little, well, for lack of a better word, perverted and that maybe he liked looking at dirty pictures.  Over the years I guess I occasionally went through his stuff just to prove myself wrong.  I figured if I never found anything like that game again, then he wasn’t perverted, but that he was “clean.”

But today, when I when I glanced inside his briefcase I found dozens and dozens of dirty pictures and papers and magazines and brochures and just junk.  JUNK!!!  I couldn’t believe it.  There were pictures of women sucking men’s you know whats and pictures of chains of people having sex.

I seriously got sick to my stomach.  I put it all back and cried my eyes out.

My dad was no longer a wonderful person.  “You idiot!  What are you doing?!”  I cried over and over.

What do I do?  Do I say something?  I don’t ever want to stay here.  

I wanted to run.  

I want to keep myself pure.

What do I do?  What do I say?  I hate this!!

He won’t change unless he has something to lose.  Or should I just love him and encourage him to believe that he doesn’t need that stuff.

I want to go home.

I don’t want to see him again.

I want to leave and live in my innocence and bliss.  I want to go back to my church and my Jenna and my everyone.  

My life.  

My clean life.

I don’t know what to do.  Please God.  Please give me the answer.

One thought on “June 14, 1994 – Tuesday – 4:19 p.m.

  1. I will pray for both you and your dad. I encourage you to continue in prayer as you give the matter over to The Lord trusting Him totally to deliver.

    Try not to be the judge or hold this against your dad but instead walk in love as much as possible. The spirit will be your guide as you yield yourself to Him.

    Be Blessed!

    LaTrice

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