May 20, 1994 – Friday – 10:05 p.m.

Now there are only ten days of school left.

All of these people.  And I may never see them again.

Yesterday, Kevin told me something that shocked me greatly.  Remember Dakota, I met him Feb 26th or around there, he’s one of Kevin’s friends from college.  I’m not sure if I wrote about him in my journal, but anyway, he is gay.  I slept in the same bed as that guy then.  Kevin said that he wasn’t gay then, but how does someone become gay?  You can’t just decide you’re gay in the span of a few months, can you?  Kevin said his parents disowned him and took his car and $27,000 out of his bank account.  Wow!

I called Jenna tonight.  Tenielle called me earlier in the day.  But I called Jenna tonight to tell them we didn’t have skit practice tomorrow.  Tenielle was already asleep.  We talked a little while and then I said these two words:  “Good night.”

She said this back:  “Good night to you too, Jacob.”

It was the way she said it though.  I wish you could have heard.

My friend, Jenna.  If she only knew, if she only saw.

Tonight at work I talked to this girl about sex before marriage.  She is about seven or eight months pregnant.  I told her I was a virgin, and thankful to be one.  She said she wished she still was.  So sad.

I can’t believe all of this is happening.  I’m graduating in three weeks.

Three weeks!

No God, let me do it all over again!  I didn’t love enough, I didn’t minister enough!  I was the only Jesus some people ever met, but sometime I just threw you in their faces.  I know so much now!  Let me do it again!

These people!  These lives!  These stories!  You’ve shared them with me for four years, and I took that for granted.  Now only three weeks are left.  It hurts so much right now.  How will it feel on June 10, 1994.

Be with me.

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