May 1, 1994 – Sunday – 10:30 p.m.

Church tonight was great!  I learned a lot.

Earlier in this section, I wrote saying that I wish I was not part of humanity.  Then I did not realize the horror of what I was saying.

What is humanity?

Humanity is God’s creation.  I wished not to be a part of that.  I was in the wrong to think that way.  But today, I realized that God created me so that he could share me with the rest of humanity.  The rest of his creation.

What a gift!

I haven’t known Jenna and Tenielle for long, only about five months.  But the Lord has given me a chance to share this wonderful gift of life with them for this brief period of time.

How could I ask for more?

This is the best present I’ve ever had.  The chance to share smiles with Jenna and Tenielle.  Is there anything more beautiful on this planet?

Yesterday, Jenna kept on giving me wedgies, so I kept trying to give her one, but she would always run off.  She said my boxer’s looked like 101 Dalmatians.  

It’s hard, but I have to control my feelings for her.  On the way to Carowinds, we sat so close to each other and talked the whole way.  Our bodies, these shells, pressed together.  Everytime she would laugh, she would lean her head on mine.

But no matter how I feel, I will keep quiet, be her friend, and simply cherish every moment that we spend together.

Truthfully, I don’t have to tell her; we’re both special to each other.

We have a friendship between opposite sexes and yet we sometimes act like we are a couple.  I have a keyhole picture on my key ring with my arm around her that was made at Carowinds.

But that doesn’t matter.  Perhaps I did change the alphabet.  I did move the close to U, only there is one thing between them: T.

Which stands for Time.

We both know that our time here is short.

I will go.

Some of my dreams will grow, others will be shattered.  I will possibly sit close to someone else while Jenna does the same.

We’ve come so far.

Three and a half months left.

Then we will go our separate ways.

As for now, it is time to sleep.  Thank you Jesus for a peaceful sleep.  You always keep me rested.  I love you Lord.  Thank you for everything.


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