April 4, 1994 – Monday – 11:25 p.m.

Oh boy!  Well, the night is over.  And it went okay.  The two Rebeccas showed up.  We had fun.  Tenielle gave me a letter and she also gave me one to give to Marcus and she told me not to read it.  I asked her if it was about me and she walked, well actually skated, off.

We skated on, the Roller Blades were awesome.  I went so fast.

I went into the bathroom once and read the letter Tenielle wrote me.  She said for me not to worry about going off to college and to just live in the present.  It was good advice.

My left leg is shaking now and I can’t stop it.  But its not shaking because of Tenielle its shaking because of Christi.  Whenever I stopped to drop off the Roller Blades she had three of her girlfriends over; they were just hanging out.  They asked me to come in and sit down; they were playing Encore.

We joked and laughed.  I miss Christi so much.  We live in two different worlds now.

I’m sorry to say that I opened Marcus’ letter from Tenielle.  I didn’t want to read it, but if it was about me then I figured I could keep myself safe by reading it whether it was good or bad.  Only thing about me was just that she wanted Marcus to know that she didn’t like me as a boyfriend, but that I was like a best friend to her.

My first reaction was, ‘well big deal, why didn’t she want me to read that.’  But I guess she has her reasons.  I sort of feel bad for reading it though.  I feel the same way about Tenielle.  She’s a great friend and I love it when I’m around her, but I don’t want to go with her.  That just doesn’t seem right.  We are only meant to be friends and we will be.

Same way with Jenna.  Well there’s that, but I just can’t get over Christi, no matter how much I stay away from her, I still think of her.

But life goes on.  I don’t know what I’ll do about these feelings, or if I’ll do anything at all.

Tomorrow I’m going to get my haircut by Jenna and Tenielle’s mom.  I’ll leave here around 11:30.  Maybe I’ll go see Christi, well, maybe not.

Dang!  I just don’t know.

Hmm.  That sounds familiar doesn’t it.

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