March 20, 1994 – Sunday – 9:19 p.m.

Why God, why?!  I guess it’s just one of those things.

Friday I worked and watched the two kids.  The youth explosion was Saturday afternoon.  We met early to go through the skits a few times.  A lot of people showed up.  The skits went great.  It was a total blast; a time I will always cherish.  About five people got delivered from demons and I was so proud of Tenielle.  She went from one person to the next, praying for each one.  She has come a long way since that letter she wrote to Shane.

That’s my girl!  Tenielle, if you ever read this I want you to know that you are a great and mighty, beautiful, woman of God.

Jonathan dropped me off at the kids house last night.  I had to watch them again.  Marcus stayed to help clean up and he came home with Scott.

Now you know about all that junk that deals with Scott and Cheryl and Marcus, and I guess me since everyone has told me everything.

Well…dadgumit, there is just so much of the junk and I’ve had to explain all that I know to both Scott and Marcus at different times in the past 24 hours.  I’m sick of the whole situation.  I’m not going to tell you about it, because I feel like it would kill me if I had to explain it all again.

But Scott knows all and Marcus knows all.  Scott was in the wrong again and he must apologize.  Today I went to his house and this is all we talked about.  Hopefully it will blow over soon.

Jenna and Tenielle’s mom came to church this morning and tonight.  I talked to them both today, everything’s going great.  I’m seeing something in Tenielle that I knew would happen someday, but not so soon.  This 12-year-old girl loves to witness and minister.  I’ve never seen anything like it.

Jenna is still her sweet self, but the distance is still there.

Tonight the two of them were joking with me in church.  They kept silently saying something; I was supposed to read their lips.  It looked like they were saying “I love you,” but they were actually saying “Elephant Shoe.”  Look in a mirror and silently say that.  Pretty funny.

Scott and I went to the library to rent a movie.  We rented Amadeus, you know that Mozart movie.  There were three absolutely gorgeous girls there at the library.  One was so amazing.  I haven’t seen a girl that beautiful in a long long long time.  Dang!  It about knocked me down.

This morning Pastor Steve wanted us to do the Mask Skit.  We did.  Surprisingly, Amy and her mom showed up in church this morning. Amy used to be the lead girl in the Mask Skit.  Megan is now.  I wonder if it affected Amy in any way.

Things are continuing to change.  Some for the better, some for the worse.  But it doesn’t matter, because things are changing.  In the midst of it though, there are a few people who are leaning on me.  Yet I see no one I can lean on.

I need a fresh new person; someone I can trust with my life.  Someone who will stand up and be strong.

But instead I will go to bed and let this weekend only survive in my memory and my Book of Days.

I got a letter from my dad yesterday.  He misses me.  I was supposed to call him, but I forgot.  My dad knows nothing about how my life goes.  I guess that’s why I enjoy our conversations.  He doesn’t ask questions I don’t want to answer.

Well, there it is, I suppose I’ll go to bed now.  Oceans still move.  Waves still crash.  Where is that someone?  This life won’t stop to let me breathe.  I taste the tears of my eyes.  Some good tears.  Some bad.

Jesus, you are all that I need.  And you’re all that I have.  Give me rest tonight.  Let me sleep.  Let my friends sleep in your peace.

I love you Jesus.

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