February 17, 1994 – Thursday – 6:10 p.m.

I’m at home alone right now.

Thank God.

Tuesday night I called Jenna and Tenielle from the kids’ house in Bonlee.  I called at 9:30 p.m. and said goodbye at 12:10 a.m.

Two hours and 40 minutes.  I talked to Tenielle first.  And I told her that I was going through something really difficult the past few days.

She wanted me to tell her.  I told her a little but not everything, yet.

Then I talked to Jenna.  She seemed bummed.  She was still a little sick.  But she was just shy.  Then I asked her, “Why is it, every time you talk to me you’re in low gear and calm, but whenever I see you and your not talking to me, on the phone or whatever, you are always alive?”

It took her about 30 minutes to answer, she said its as because she usually hangs around girls and not guys.  Then Tenielle got on the phone and told me that it’s because she liked me more than a friend, but not like a boyfriend.

I told Tenielle that I felt the same way about Jenna.  Well we all got things sort of cleared up.

All three of us appreciate each other very much and enjoy each other’s company.  And then I told Tenielle what happened Sunday night at Christi’s house.

She couldn’t believe it.  And she really couldn’t believe it when I told her that the only thing that was stopping me from asking Christi out was Jenna.

She said, “well if you do go out with Christi will you still hang out with us?”  I told her I would.

But now things have changed.  I went by Christi’s yesterday to drop some tapes off.  No one was home so I left them in the mailbox.  I’m just not sure if I want to go out with Christi.  I feel like it’s her dad and not me.

Wednesday night’s service was awesome, but my life has been a burden recently.  After hearing that great sermon I went straight to the back to play the piano and think.  Jenna and Tenielle were there, but I only got a chance to talk to Tenielle a little bit.  I didn’t talk to Jenna any.

It’s okay though.  Today had been a little better than all the other one’s.  My life has been a struggle.  I haven’t had much time to do what I want and my mom has been grouchy, etc.

But today I heard one statement and it helped me a lot:

“If you go through a day without laughing then you have wasted that day, but if you go through a day and you laugh continuously then you have wasted that day too.”

I heard another one today, related to the Olympics:

“If you live in triumph with no struggle, then you were only born a winner.  But if you survive the struggle then you have made your self a winner.”

And I’ll end with one more:

“The most important thing in the Olympics is not to win, but to take part, just as the most important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle.  The essential thing is not to have conquered, but to have fought well.”



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